释放控制

这是一段时间以来我张贴。本周学校开始,并试图适应这种安排有趣。一天晚上,我甚至发现自己在一个“安必恩昏迷”在这些时刻,我不记得大部分晚上我前一晚。在我安必恩昏迷,我最终切割。当然这是我没有意识到,直到第二天早上,当投篮来自我的手臂疼痛。这一切回到我。前一晚的记忆慢慢地开始回到我。其他地方我可以隐藏我的身体,但这一次是我的手臂,也相当大。我的室友告诉我,我不能当我在她家有点让我害怕。我怎么告诉她发生了什么事吗? I couldn't stand lying to her again...or any more. She was under the impression that the last time I had cut was sometime back in early May. I wish that could have been true, but it is not. This is very much a weekly thing for me. Sometimes multiple times in a week. But I've also realized that it has increased more in the past few weeks. This last time I really was terrified to tell her. And then I did. And she didn't freak out, or threat to kick me out, but rather understands the effects of an Ambien coma and how it makes even the sweetest old ladies to have crazy moments. Control is something that I struggle with giving over. I know that I self-injure because that is how I control the feelings that are all bottled up inside, or control over how I view myself and want my body to be something I can control. Why is it that I'm able to give others great advice when they are in similar situations but when it comes to me I can't seem to grasp that same understanding. I want to change, wish to change, and don't want to continue going down this ridiculous path I've found myself walking through. How do I move forward from here? How do I push through the pain and memories? I feel like this is quite scatterbrained tonight, but this is what's been on my mind recently.