社区康复

学校越来越近，焦虑越来越多。有很多事情正在发生变化，秋季学期有很多事情值得期待。我和室友以外的人住在校外，我正在上最后一门课，希望能在12月毕业，我一直推迟到现在的课程都是我最害怕的课程。这一切都是因为我去年的室友坐在我的房间里。她刚从韩国呆了一个月回来，接下来的几天有很多事情要做。从今天开始的一个星期，我将开始疯狂的生活。我的焦虑程度无处不在，我不知道什么时候或者我是否能在眼前的时刻幸存下来。不跟我朋友和走廊上的姑娘们住在一起会很难受。我在社区里住了这么久，我不知道该如何独立生活。在很多方面，我觉得我又变成了一个孩子。 Growing up I had to do so much...cooking, cleaning, taking care of my disable mother, raising 2 toddlers...the list could go on. Since I've started university (off and on since 2003), I feel like I have been avoiding responsibilities and actually find myself running from them. I'm very much a people pleaser and that is one reason I find it difficult to perform "adult-like" duties or responsibilities. If others see how I do things and they aren't pleased with it then I have failed and there's no point of trying that again. Anyway, my blog has digressed. I have realized over the past few days that having my roommate here keeps my mind from wandering or wanting to resort to SI. The community is something I need in order to be successful in recovery. Knowing that there is someone else that is there, that is in a similar place in life, and that isn't going to run away or give up on me is HUGE! It's definitely a new experience and I'm still learning how to function in this role. So I'm scared that not living in community is going to give me an excuse not to stay clean. I know it's one day at a time, but since I've failed before, I'm terrified of failing again.