思维奔逸....不,旋风的想法。

现在,我需要在6个小时在工作。现在我应该睡觉,但是我不能。从过去的经验,在这个时候服用药物睡眠几个小时之前去工作是相当于在睡觉。似乎比去工作焦虑、睡眠不足,或者更糟糕的是,晚上睡觉,睡在我的转变。但是这是我头脑反应必须今天早些时候发生的事件,这是让我质疑我的现实。提到的事件本身不够重要细节,至少在我看来(双关语意愿),相比我的反应,以及它如何导致我打字这博客条目1点。一天开始去公共诊所为我治疗和精神病学约会,和两个朋友我还没有看到在一段时间(其中一个我以前了),帮助我的父母和准备工作。精神病学的约会是浪费时间。尽管我喜欢我的精神病学家和他的诚实直率,今天看来,我不得不说的是更多的麻烦比远程意义重大。我遇到两个朋友后,我真的很期待。 The friend I had the fall out with seemed as shady as before and, even though I wanted to feel confident in him as a friend, he just brought down my mood. On the drive to my parents place, I repeatedly (over)analyzed his behavior and things he said....slowly, my paranoia grew. At my parents' place , I was agitated and grumpy. I didn't lash out at them but I did question their reasoning behind the cleaning to be done and mentioned it to them. The problem with all this, what frustrates me sooo much, is that everything that happened was not a big deal, assuming I wasn't being paranoid about anything I mentioned above, with the exception of my psychiatrist (that's a different subject in itself). So my so-called friend wanted to mess with my mind. So my parents felt they had to ham up a reason for house cleaning when the truth would have sufficed. But my paranoia affects my judgment of people very negatively. Since I am a simple minded person to begin with, nuance isn't my strong point. A lot of subtle hints, mainly in conversation, that seem incredibly obvious to 99.9% of people fly right over my head. Sometimes, as if my subconscious gets fed up with my conscious mind not picking up on it, will thrust it into my consciousness with strong negative emotions attached. The feeling of not being able to have any control on a vulnerability so huge and/or the acceptance of my own problems and insecurities scares me to the point of conforming to the fear. With it brings chains upon chains that weaken and slowly squeeze away my live. This entry probably has gaps of essential details that may make this hard to follow, but I'm too exhausted to edit this. The bottom line is that I'm lost in my issues. I want/need to manage my head and take my life back without depending on meds and therapy. I just don't know how.