单调和丑陋,常规圈

从哪里开始. .我22岁。我没有大学经历除了一个不完整的学期在5年前妞妞,一个学期在一块普通的社区大学大约3年前. .我是(低收入的严重被低估)转售商店零售经理,我有各种各样的潜力被任何东西……但我没有任何的欲望或冲动了。我是一个舞蹈演员成长的过程中,我的大部分生活。芭蕾、爵士、抒情、现代,嘻哈,应有尽有。也是一个艺术家,涉足几乎所有中期水彩,石油和粉笔彩笔,木炭,丙烯酸树脂,油,彩色铅笔,你的名字. .同样的故事。我心中充满了想法,创造力,我迷恋每一天和每一个人的可能性,我开始接触。我有生活热情空前最我知道…然后我吓倒了大坏四年制大学和第一学期前退出,无法选择职业道路和无法抗拒的诱惑我最新enfatuation . .成为我最大的爱和最大的失败之一,凯拉。 So then, long story, short: Lots of drugs, lots of alcohol, lots of different places of living, lots of wasting of my youth and talent and brain cells and serotonin.. Then a couple years later here I am, in love again [but this time with someone who loves me back], having held a job for nearly 3 years now--which is a personal record--and making decent enough money for someone my age, with my educational background. As a manager, no less. An assistant store manager, to be exact. I pay my own bills, I live on my--well our--own in our own apartment that we pay for ourselves, and answer to no one.. So tell me why I feel more trapped, exhausted and dissatisfied than I have in my entire life? Sometimes I fantasize about walking out into traffic so that I have a legitimate excuse for not coming into work that my boss can't make snarky, gossipy remarks about to the staff when I'm not around... I would give a vital appendage to be back in school working towards some kind of degree that spares me the anxious rage that comes from being sized up by retail employees and customers....for fuck's sake, someone tell me there is more to life than customers spitting in your face when they argue with you about your perfectly reasonable-and considerably generous-return policy... I'm barley hanging on here...Some days I strongly consider blowing all my money on a car and packing all my shit into it and just getting in the car and driving to wherever..as far as I can go until the gas runs out..just getting the fuck up outta here and never coming back... Does anyone else ever feel like that? Is my discontent for my pretty decent situation normal? Or am I just some self-righteous sociopath with delusions of grandeur?