只需要博客出来! ! !

好吧,这是我第一次进入我的新博客,只需要博客。我将使用这个博客作为一种发泄和分享我每天的感受,沮丧、胜利等。我希望它会以某种方式帮助别人看到,在这场战役中他们并不孤单。和一个战斗。而不仅仅是与日常生活,还有一个争战也在我的心里。帽,与结婚有孩子,现在你有一个盘子。只是一个简短的历史,我为10年,诊断为双相情感障碍多动症因为我是5岁左右。老焦虑症在过去的4年。我也遭受慢性疼痛,我的博士认为是红斑狼疮。所以快乐对我来说是很困难的。现在,我在一个我叫semi-depressed状态,非常烦躁。 My wife and I have been fighting for three or four days now. She doesn't want to face the reality that sometimes I have no control over how I feel or the things I say or do like normal people do. She says she knows I have Bipolar Disorder BUT, there's always the BUT. We have been together for 17 yrs. ( a few break ups in between) and we have been married for 5 yrs. She says she accepted I had Bipolar Disorder when she married me but she doesn't or refuses to help me or support me the right way. We all know when we are in a manic state let's say, it's like someone else comes in and takes over your mind and body for a while, makes a big freaking mess of things, then disappears. And you come back and look around at the big mess and all the people you pissed off. Well that's what I'm dealing with right now. And it doesn't pay to be honest about stuff, you'll just get it used against you later. I'm currently taking Depakote, Abilify, Adderall, and Xanax. Plus I'm on a bunch of other meds for my Lupus including some strong pain medications. And I admit, the last few months have been so bad , I have self-medicated by overusing my pain meds. I've since stopped doing that because I have been on them so long that I go through withdrawals when I run out before they are due to refill. I just long for some peace and just to be happy for just a few days. This constant suffering sucks. I had a manic episode a few months ago and went through about $15,000.00 in a matter of a few months or less. I'm still looking for that magical mixture of meds. that will bring my mind some peace and let me be somewhat normal for just a little while. Well, enough for today. See you guys tomorrow.