我如何处理它。

首先,一个简短的自传。我双二世,非常快速循环。年代早期诊断。我是一个退休的军队中士,与修正,后来的职业生涯作为一个校车司机。我已经结婚三次,两次,19岁丧偶一旦离婚。我刚离开了一个长期的关系由于她赌瘾和金融/情感混乱。我不做戏剧。在59,我发现我是一个“好人”的关系。我有能力和欲望,以适应的关系,而不是设定一个标准。这个结果,过了一会儿,在怨恨我的伙伴和关系。 I've walked out twice, without warning, and never looked back. The first was a twenty year marriage, the second was a ten year longterm relationship. After realizing that I was the fatal part of the relationship, I have built walls around myself. I've come to the conclusion that since I am biologically irrelevant, older, and have yet to find someone who laughs in the same language as me, I will resist enmeshing myself in a new relationship. I don't "date", I don't know how. I haven't the patience or interest in learning to read "signals" from women. I don't drink. The only drugs I use are those prescribed, and I have the enviable circumstance of no responsibilities, the ability to pick up and travel where I wish, and the freedom to explore any option I choose. The downside is that I have no ambition, no drive, and no direction. Focus is difficult, I have all the toys I want, and now that I have them, I don't play with them. Peers describe me as mediocre with occasional flashes of brilliance. Women have described me as kind, attentive, gentle, loving, and in the end a dirty rotten sonofabitch. Currently I am a happy underachiever. That leads to my quandary. In life, I was a go getter, a doer, and invincible. When I cycled down, I was depressed, with suicidal or impending mortality ideations, and generally felt worthless. I now accomplish nothing, and don't care.