感觉绝望，只能怪我自己

我现在在我的公寓里，我的情绪在低到中等低之间。我有焦虑和愤怒的感觉，我又开始抽烟了。我在判断和动力上有失误，因为我有一种强烈的焦虑感，它弥漫在我现在做的每一件事上。我刚刚从过去的7个月中恢复过来，在这7个月里我想吃什么就吃什么，除了在我的公寓里植物人什么也不做。我现在正在付出超重的代价——因为缺乏联系，我失去了EGH社区选择小组的支持。对我来说，这是我疾病的一种症状，但我不怪任何人，只怪我自己，因为我自杀未遂后认识的大多数人都非常关心和帮助我。有时我似乎无法控制自己，所以我失去了连续性。我发现自己一次又一次地陷入困境。我只能说这是我自己的错。帮助肯定是有的，但如果我一直否认和逃避，没人能帮上忙。 Am I the only one who has this problem? Is there anyone else out there that has these types of lapses as well? I feel that I am totally responsible for these actions and so I blame myself and hate myself and believe that I am a bad person who deserves what I get. One can see how I would feel anxiety and deep anger and since I fail to stay on the right track I reinforce the negative feelings I have about myself and that is no good. I think I need a life coach who can help me make the right decisions and to keep my on the ball, but I know such a thing is impossible.