对自己说,赢!

当有人让你生气,看起来,你的愤怒的原因是对方的行动。但真正令你生气的是你认为行动意味着什么。如果你仔细观察一个事件的意义,你确定它会消失。你会意识到它并不一定意味着你认为这是什么意思。这种不确定性将让你的愤怒消失。

例如,假设有人打扰你当你说话,让你疯狂。你“知道”的人是无礼的。仔细看,你会发现:1)一个事件发生,2)你知道这意味着什么,然后,3)你会感到一种情感在您创建的意义。

第二步会发生非常快那么快似乎事件直接导致你的感受。但这并不是这样的。你可以证明给自己看。

等到下一次你生某人的气。然后试着发现一个认为你对他们做了什么。你可能不得不放弃做慢动作回放。问问自己,“为什么我疯了吗?”Your answer is probably, "Because he did such-and-such." Ask yourself another question: "Why would that make me angry?" Your answer to this second question is probably a statement about the meaning of the action. Now you have something to work with.

把你的语句和科学地看待它。在上面的例子中,有人打断你。你想,”他不尊重我。”Looking at that thought scientifically, you realize it's a theory to explain why he interrupted you. Once you look at it, you also realize it isn't the only explanation possible! Try to come up with other explanations: "Maybe he never thought much about interrupting, and no one ever said anything to him about it, so he's in the habit of interrupting people those he respects and those he doesn't." Or "Maybe he interrupted me because he has a poor memory and didn't want to forget his thought, so he blurted it out."

你永远不会真正知道为什么另一个人做。有时候自己不知道他这样做的原因。

在您创建两个或三个好理论(这只需要几分钟),你的愤怒会消失,你就会感觉好一些,你会更理性地处理这种情况。认为这样对自己,每个人都会赢!