“我不希望他像我一样,或有任何权力。我只是希望他不要打扰我。能够安全离开。”~ comment by castorgirl on Motive for Staying in Abusive Relationship Castorgirl's comment bothered me all week. At first I thought it was because she seemed so blind and innocent, unwilling to see the truth. I wanted her to plainly see the hidden dynamics of an abusive relationship. But then in one clear instant, I remembered being castorgirl. I remember when the only thing I wanted was for him to leave me alone (The Invisible Line Between Verbal and Physical Abuse).
言语虐待关系
2008年,我开始再次咨询。医生写的推荐的抑郁症。但是当我到达我的治疗师的办公室,我告诉她我在那里,因为我是情感和辱骂与偶尔还是身体暴力。我告诉她我很沮丧,但是我需要知道的是如何处理虐待。她问我如果我认为离开我的婚姻;我不想这样做。
你想要的生活能成为现实,如果你离开你的虐待和受过教育的关系,明确的想法。如果你离开的关系作为一个受害者,你会发现自己受害的“新”生活,。之前,你必须找到你的力量走出门的朋友,因为你需要每一点你的权力(和一些借用那些爱你的人)如果你想创建一个快乐、幸福的生活。
患者如果你是辱骂,你施虐者定期告诉你你有多自私。你听你施虐者的意见在这个问题上屏息静气,等待你,自私的行为,这样你就可以停止这样做……现在!向后的事情是你殉道的关系通过牺牲很多自己的“自私”的欲望,你正在创建一个局限,微小的生命充满无限的不可能。
在我的婚姻,我学会了无序和消极的应对机制。应对机制让我有意的行为。它有时让我不知道如果我是施虐者。这应对机制使我看不到真实的我住在危险但很清楚我有多只归结为自己造成这么多的痛苦。一些调用这个无序应对机制相互依存。
经常会告诉我,我将永远找不到另一个人喜欢他。我没有停下来考虑如果我想找到另一个人喜欢他,因为在内心深处,答案是“不,我从来没有想知道像你这样的人了。”Instead of answering the real question, I chose to listen to him tell me why he was so great. Honestly, I agreed because when it came to work, Will was great. Will works diligently, and held two jobs in the early years. I did not worry about income. I was able to stay at home with the boys without once being asked to take a job. He willingly put up with work he hated to provide for his family. Will wanted to be married, wanted children, wanted a family. He wanted to keep us neat and tight like collectible robots on a shelf.
期间我想挽救我的婚姻,我犯了不少错误。其中一个是命名的类型辱骂他作为他说的话。在教育自己和许多书籍(主要是由帕特里夏·埃文斯),我做了一个列表的滥用技术,他在他的处置。我学会了他们(提示:好主意)并把它们发布在冰箱里(提示:可怕的主意)。然后,当他把这些技巧之一,他的帽子,我把它命名为,告诉他,我跟他说话时,他并没有试图控制我,然后打开我的脚后跟离开了房间。
