隐蔽的辱骂和如何生活

我已经56岁了,我幸存儿童性虐待,跑掉了,被贩卖为妓女从15岁到18岁。在那个时候我被殴打,强奸,逮捕。我一生中从来没有自杀,但三次(现在自从我开始Adderall,利他林)我的隐性自恋者的丈夫叫911说我。一旦我EMT出现时睡着了。911年10月10 th他称,他14岁,体重250磅,他捧着我的脸在地上外,警察出现了,我戴上了手铐。一个更年轻和更大的警察在我的后背,他的膝盖让我克制到地上了40分钟。的历史创伤,我恐慌当我下来,我恳求他们让我回去,我觉得我不能呼吸。他们说,“如果你尖叫的呼吸”。我有一个起搏器,重110磅。我歇斯底里,当我试图把我的胸离地面他们撞我失望… two firefighters showed up, I begged them, told them flip me on my back...I'm not a threat to anyone they just chitchatted until the ambulance arrived. On the five minute ride to the hospital they saw my shoulders, my hands were bleedings, I had a fat lip and was scared, and hurting. Six hours earlier I texted my advocate from the organization for prostitution survivors that I need a safe house and foster care for my three little dogs. I tried to tell the police, the EMTs then the hospital staff in the emergency department. Not one person showed me and kindness, no one would even talk to me. I told them I've never been suicidal, and I know my rights, I asked to call my advocate a hundred times. I told them I was scared for my dogs, they ignored me, barked at me, slammed the door in my face and when I put one foot out of the room the "sitter" called a code grey!. They had huge security gloving up ready to restrain me because I disobeyed their orders to "shut up and sit down". The Dr refused to take pictures of my injuries, did not ask any questions, did no assessment, and certainly not treatment. I had to ask for a bandaid. They held me 24 hours based in the lying husband's smear tactics. Even the police report said I was not detained. The " social worker" stood in my doorway after eight hours, again no assessment, no empathy, said that my husband was calling over and over telling them not to let me out so she was referring me to the mental health professional. Now, I have a degree in psychology and spent thirty years working with the mentally ill inpatient, outpatient, crisis response,and emergency crisis triage. I know mental health law, I know how to treat a person with dignity I am skilled in de-escalation and patient centered care. I was appalled at the lack of professionalism and the culture of discrimination and neglect towards the " psychiatric" patients. No one heard me. No one wanted me to speak at all. They were bullies from the cops to the nurses and the medical assistants. I was released by the mhp who sat down and determined that I was reliable, not a danger, and the abuser who tried so hard to have me detained drove me home , as I was putting my key in the door he casually mentioned that my 16 year old Yorkie ran away. 24 hours of being treated like a criminal, a hostage, and punitively ignoring me, I was beat up, and the very thing I was so scared of the entire time had happened. I spent four nights looking for him, two nights staying in the car freezing with my two remaining dogs. I requested my medical records, 128 pages? How does that happen when the only thing they did was retraumatize me more? And they think I am going to allow them to Bill my insurance? I have written several letters. The state said they investigated, found no wrongdoing...really. all my years working I've never imagined treating an abused person so disgracefully. I've had nightmares since, I spent two weeks scared to leave my house. Everytime I see a police car I have anxiety. I changed the locks, called dv advocates, sitting here waiting for his next move. There's no relief, no recourse, and unfortunately , suicide has never been an option!