你爱上施虐者了吗?如果是这样，那是有原因的

我和我的前任有13年的虐待关系，我几年前才离开他。从那以后，我开始了一段新的恋情。我的问题是我还没有从精神上走出来，我觉得我对现在的那个人很不公平。我一直在想虐待我的人，很难过地说，我仍然爱着他，但我把它藏在心里。我为自己仍然对他有这种感觉而感到羞愧和尴尬。我真的没有人可以说话，因为我们在一起的时候，我不允许有朋友或家人在我身边。我们没有在一起，但我仍然像我们在一起一样生活着。不知道如何摆脱这种生活方式。我仍然在等待有人告诉我我每天要做什么，当我没有人告诉我时，我感到很失落。当我去做我想做的事情时，我会害怕，就像我会遇到麻烦一样。 Afraid to talk to anyone really before if I did I would be beaten and told what happens behind these doors stays behind these doors. How do I break free? I have no family and no friends and I’m afraid if I tell my spouse it will upset him. He’s a good man and deserves better.

我19岁时遇到了施虐者，22岁时我嫁给了他，和他生了两个孩子。我现在27岁了，在经历了所有的谎言和虐待之后，我在两天前勉强离开了他，他把我打得屁滚尿流，因为我选择离开。我不想说谎，我害怕接下来发生的事，即使是你，我仍然爱他，关心他，我知道为了我自己和我的孩子，我必须放手。当他在精神上和身体上虐待我的时候，我总是知道很明显，但我总是睁一只眼闭一只眼。我有时会害怕没有他，也会难过他没有我也会快乐，但我试着尽可能地向前走

我讨厌看到我读到的关于家庭暴力的所有东西都假设男人是施暴者。我最终不得不脱离施暴者的生活，在重症监护室住了几周。三年过去了，我还在恢复中。我永远毁容了，一见人就尴尬。对我做这种事的人很有钱，在社区里关系很好。遭受家庭暴力的男性没有发言权。如果你在网上寻求帮助，只有讽刺。在第一段中，你假设施虐者是男性，这是不可接受的。我差点被一个女人的暴力行为夺去了生命她用金钱，性和操纵把我和所有我认识的人隔离开来。我不知道发生了什么，直到她开始告诉我，我必须忍受她所做的一切，因为她付了账单。 I worked so hard to try to make myself worthy of what she gave me, and she was always dismissive. When I finally made plans to leave, she held a gun to my face, and said “Is this what you want from me?”
就在她扣动扳机后，我受伤流血的脸对她说的第一句话是:“我爱你。”我希望这样说能让她明白我只想做一个好伴侣。现在我每天都在一遍又一遍地重温那一刻。
我是一名战斗老兵。在此之前，我从未经历过如此严重的伤害，我满脑子想的都是我如何毁了她的生活。

我遇到了最迷人的性感，魅力和迷人的自恋狂。他是完美的。身体上，他拥有所有的“货物”，他肯定可以交付。一天下午，他和他的朋友杰伊骑着他们的Hyabusa摩托车，穿着运动背心来到我的办公室。就像一个女学生一样，我立刻对摩托车感兴趣。我注意到他盯着我看，我们目光接触的强度几乎让我震惊。他基本上是一只狼，而我就是他的羊。我当时没有意识到，但他很清楚自己在做什么。交换了电话号码，聊了几周之后，我们开始约会。就像普通夫妻一样。 We'd go out to dinner and meet up with his friends for things...but time passed about 5 months and I realized I have only met one of his children...I had never been to his place...and he never spoke highly of his mother. I am a working proffessional and was rather busy with my job and raising my own child. But red flags were exposed and I just went color blind. I started to investigate him online. Its amazing what you can do with this social media these days. Anyway come to pass that he is actually a married man. Not a separated one who had a WIFE that left him and went to live with her mother , it wasn't hard to put his wife's name through face book. I see this picture pop up on the screen of this guy who tells me he loved me and, get ready for the "cliche" We Are Soul Mates ,and was confused and hurt and very very Angry. I wanted him caught. Busted. I bet you are thinking would I Send information to his wife via social media, yep sure did. But to my surprise nothing happened. I never told him I did it...he didn't even get caught? So now I knew he was still married, I knew I was lied to, I knew he never got busted or I would've been called out, I had real true feelings for him, and I knew they were all wrong. I was being played. I was the other woman. Holy s***! So I decided he could just go on be married. I didn't want to keep being a mistress. And that's when the on again off again push and pull really began. He would get enough control over me to secure a key to my home. He had free reign. He was after all my soulmate? He became possessive, he began to say things like "b**** if you ever try to leave me, I'll f****** kill you." Breaking up with him over and over, changing my job, changing phone numbers depressingly often. He always came back. Usually no longer than a week. He would show up at my job with *** or whoever he wanted to. And I had to be proffessional and smile. He had me emotionally and mentally trapped. When it began to get physical, well let's just say a few busted lips and black eyes later, you know from my good old soul mate, I began to realize the depths of which I had fallen. He doesn't love me. Love doesn't feel like that. He doesn't love anyone. He can't. The final straw, he strangled me in front of my 16 year old daughter. He decided to enter my place one morning and he forgot my kid was out of school for summer vacay. We start arguing about our relationship or lack thereof and I knew he had other girlfriends besides me so I was trying to end it once and for all...that's when all the love in the world couldn't have saved me from what his hands would do. On the ground struggling for my life, in and out of consciousness trying to pry this 6'3 220 lb man built of pure muscle off of my body was an impossible feat. Then my hero, the child who is afraid of her own shadow, comes out to the living room to see what the commotion is...well she sees this wildabeast on her mother suffocating her and she jumps on his back. She gave me enough time and distraction to get away out from under him. And that was heartbreaking. To know that if my child would have had 1 more day of school, if she wouldn't have been home that particular morning of June...I would not be here. The police were called this time. All of the other abuse was just leading up to this...I went to court several times, my daughter took the stand as a witness, he was found guilty, serving 150 days in the county jail as I type this. I actually feel sorry for his real family. His other girlfriend did in fact make contact with me via social media, they have a daughter that he has never told his wife about, and he's never paid child support for, she decided to contact his entire family and his in laws, they all know what's happened. So this story is really about being abused and getting to be free from abuse. People will only do to you what you allow them to do. I never wanted to fall in love with a narcissistic abusive sociopath. No one does. But you must love yourself enough to know what you will not accept. God bless you. Good luck.

刚刚谷歌了一下…感觉和读过的一样
之前回复。给人的印象很女性化。男人也会经历这些。无论是身体上的还是情感上的，但这似乎都是关于男人从一开始就是坏的。这不是. .双方都需要帮助。对男人来说甚至更多，因为可以看到这是如此的周。国内使用是双向的。

我和我的未婚夫在一起快4年了，现在我们有一个一岁的小女孩。过去3年他一直打我，但我似乎无法离开。我非常爱他，我无法想象和别人在一起的情景，但我害怕他最后会杀了我或你的女儿。我不知道该怎么做，每次他出现，我带他回去不管我知道我不应该，我只是似乎不能说不，因为我是如此爱他。

我希望我能离开我丈夫。我才24岁从18岁起就和他在一起了。

我离开了虐待我的人，但我一直在回想那些美好的时光和被虐待的时光。我感受到了从“爱情轰炸”中抽身出来的那种无端的奖励和惩罚，除了他编造的愤怒的理由。他有精神疾病，所以我试着帮助他，理解他。但我刚在帮忙的时候被揍了一顿。随着时间的推移，我被洗脑了，相信“因为惹他生气”，我应该受到严厉的对待和攻击。但我内心深处知道，他生气的这些事不是我的错。我会被设计成失败的样子这样他就有理由虐待我。他试图使我与朋友和家人疏远。即使有人生你的气，也没有理由被人骂得很难听，被人说得很难听，被人虐待。他试图让我相信我在虐待他，还用煤气灯攻击他，因为当我们订婚并住在一起时，当他使用约会网站时，我会感到不安。 Also I would not go along with his tactic to make everyone hate my mother on Thanksgiving. When I look back on all the things he tried to make me believe were wrong for me to get upset about I get very angry. I was being treated horrible and it made me feel like I’m not worthy of love. But he tried to make me believe that how he treated me was normal and that there’s something wrong with me. If I feel betrayed alienated manipulated and abused by my fiancé then there isn’t something wrong with me.

你好，珍，我对你所经历的一切和你现在的感受感到很抱歉。我鼓励你拨打我们页面上的一个救生电话，帮助你更深入地了解正在发生的事情://www.5wetown.com/suicide/suicide-hotline-phone-numbers/另外，我鼓励你们看看我们在家庭暴力方面的资源://www.5wetown.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer..。你丈夫在心理上虐待你。家庭暴力资源中心可以帮助你找出离开这段关系需要采取的步骤。你不需要独自承受这一切。有很多人和组织可以帮助你。谢谢你有勇气伸出援手。请多保重。克里斯汀

我的丈夫多年来一直跟踪我，我让步了，嫁给了他，因为我是个白痴和(软弱的)人。他总是说我有自杀倾向，尽管我没有。我想他是想让我沮丧，因为它起作用了。我想离开真的很难，他比我好看，而且是个恶霸，而且更强壮，所以我需要切断他的联系，没有联系，我害怕我不能拿我的东西。我可能得申请限制令，因为这只猫太可怕了，把我最坏的一面都激发出来了，反之亦然。如果他说得对，我就应该自杀，反正没人爱我。

我和施虐者分分合合有5年了。大约一个月前，我带着我的孩子们离开了这里。他威胁要杀了我，威胁要夺走我的孩子，说我一文不值，还有其他侮辱性的称呼，他推我，打我。我承认我一直对自己，对爱自己都没有安全感。他让事情变得更糟，现在我彻底崩溃了。他依然能打动我，而我依然在乎他，依然爱他。但我不得不离开，因为我的大女儿会对我或我父母说一些事情，说他很可怕之类的。我永远不会忘记那孩子从我怀里把她抱走时的样子，他大喊大叫时的样子。我为了我的孩子离开了。但我就是不敢再怀疑自己。 What if I communicated better? He thought I lied all the time. I did withhold the truth at times just to keep the peace. I still feel guilty for some reason. He said he gets angry because I'm a liar. I never did it maliciously. I did it bc I didn't want him to be mad at me....whether it was me taking the blame bc my daughter broke something. Or me lying about visiting friends. My friends tried to like him, and I did tell my best friends about things going on, bc I couldn't talk to him about it. If I did he would leave me feeling stupid, or get mad, or just leave me feeling invalidated. He knows how to get to me. Knows how to hurt me. How do I stop second guessing myself? How do I get rid of the feelings I have for him....even if he did make me feel so miserable at times? How at 30 years old do I began to love myself, to not feel numb, to pick up the pieces? I just want to be ok again.

我15岁的时候，我的老师一个40多岁的男人开始用一种顽皮的方式抚摸我的身体。没有摩擦什么的。有一次我答不出一道数学题，他对我很粗鲁，当我快要哭出来的时候，他突然拥抱了我。我去洗脸，从浴室出来发现他在等我。然后他开始拥抱我，把我扔起来。感觉很奇怪，我就离开了。几个月后，我又回到他身边，因为他很有魅力。他对我做的肢体动作让我感觉完全不对。我从来没有被他吸引过。他说他拥有的东西很特别，我相信他。 We were together for many years. A year ago I broke up with him. He never tried to hurt me physically or anything. He didn’t have sex with me that much. He always seemed to mystic. He was the intellectual type which drew me towards him in the first place. I just wanted to learn from him. I didn’t want him to touch me. This is still so mind boggling to me. Explain please somebody.

事实上，女孩更倾向于操纵和破坏她们认为软弱的男人。我一直处于一段严重的虐待关系中。她给我发毒品的照片，就像她要吸毒过量一样，想让我也做出反应。一个喜欢得分、操纵别人、让你在别人面前出丑、把你当笑话、不尊重你的女孩是你需要远离的人。来自女性的虐待被低估了，这篇文章需要让双方都得到倾听。

我也有同样的问题。我女朋友用这些前任用我以前分享的一切来对付我。她在手机里保存了一份我惹她生气的事的消极攻击清单。她总是记分，把所有的事都推到我身上。我所有的男性朋友都离开了我，因为他们认为我软弱。当你和一个虐待你的人在一起的时候，快跑!!

你们这些作者总是假设施虐者是个男的。我是一个被女友虐待的男人。修改你的文章，让它适用于所有人。

我的已经不那么糟糕了，但还是会发生。有时候和他分享我的挣扎是安全的有时候我就不安全了。安全的感觉是我可以说任何话，而不会变成他对我的曲解，变得被动的攻击，对我或我的孩子做出行为，而不是在心理上干扰我，诸如此类的事情。他不会虐待我，但会在身体上攻击我，伤害我。总之，在我再次找机会跟他谈谈我为什么是这样之后。他基本上说他做的都不够好，问我想从他那里得到什么?在这之后，我确实试图接近他。现在我明白为什么了。