逃离虐待关系:治疗师保持沉默
逃离虐待关系所涉及的不仅仅是逃离计划，直到你挣脱出来，你才会知道你的问题有多严重。但是，当你计划逃跑时，你常常会觉得摆脱虐待会让一切变得更好。一旦你出来，你将拥有当之无愧的幸福阶段——你会经常感觉好多了吗！但一开始，当你感觉好转时，你会感觉更糟、困惑或怀疑你是否有能力创造自己的生活。的逃离虐待关系的后果是心理治疗师不会警告你的情感雷区。我可以帮你避开那些地雷。
首先，你的治疗师不想阻止你计划逃跑或者逃离虐待关系。他们知道在你离开后，你会获得你的精神立足点，你会变得情绪和心理健康。其次，治疗师不是灵媒。没有人能保证你在离开虐待后会经历哪怕一种可怕的情绪。你可以成为例外，立即开花，并在你的余生中保持开花!
但现实告诉你，你会经历与许多其他家暴幸存者相似的情绪，所以我想提醒你逃离后可能会遇到的一些令人困惑的情绪。如果你知道你的奇怪的情绪是正常的，那么你就更有可能顺利通过它们回到施虐者身边．
逃离虐待关系:治疗师不会告诉你的其他3件事
关于数字1和2，请参见第一部分，逃避虐待:治疗师不会告诉你的5件事
3)。你可能会有一种强烈的愿望，想在朋友面前称赞你的伴侣，不管他或她对你做了什么。
你如何弥补施虐者说你在这段关系中做错的事情?你以某种方式安抚了前任的自我，让他们冷静下来，道歉，或者故意让他们无意中听到你在别人面前说他们的好话。旧习难改。你知道你的伴侣因为你离开他们而生气。你知道他们想以他们典型的方式做出反应。安抚他或她的自尊心是他们的首要任务暴力循环所以，当你听到自己说一些让你想起前任(真实的或想象的)更好的品质的话时，不要感到惊讶。
此外，你可能会出于内疚而被迫说前任的好话。
4)。你可能会因为各种原因而对离开施虐者感到非常内疚。
你的逻辑思维知道你没有理由感到内疚。虐待不是你的错，不是你造成的，你也无法阻止。但我的天哪!你的心为你离开的人而流血!他从来没有一个好榜样来告诉他一个人应该怎样做。她在成长时期成为了性侵者的受害者。你为他们感到难过。
我向你提出挑战，要把离开的罪恶感转移到你对伴侣对你的行为的感受上。其中之一滥用药物的副作用是忘记了关注你的感情你感到内疚，因为你想象你的前任可能感受，不是因为你做错了什么。当你开始感到内疚或听到自己给前任的好评时，调整自己的情绪，把你的前任留下可以感到孤独。
5)。你可能会发现自己在为这段虐待关系的结束而悲伤。
我知道你不想再觉得自己是个受害者。你是幸存者，你逃脱了虐待。但是你必须允许自己为这段关系的结束而悲伤，很有可能，你会感到强烈的失落和悲伤。对我来说，我发现我不太需要为我的婚姻感到悲伤，而更需要为我的婚姻感到悲伤希望我有。和一个最终学会完全爱的男人一起变老的梦想，是很难放手的。
当悲伤淹没我时，我让自己哭泣和生气;但我提醒自己，我为一些我永远不会拥有的东西而哀悼，逃离这段虐待性的关系是我能做的最好的事情。事实确实如此。
当你准备逃离你的虐待关系(或想象离开会是什么感觉)时，我希望你把你未来可能的情绪视为一种仪式。无论你在康复过程中感觉有多糟糕，逃离虐待关系是保证你的精神和情感健康得到改善的唯一方法。期待意想不到的事情，包括想回到施虐者身边的冲动，并与你的朋友和治疗师谈谈。
虽然你的治疗师没有告诉你在逃离虐待关系后要保持平静有多难，但当你的故事展开时，他或她肯定会在你身边。治疗师的工作不是猜测你的感受，而是帮助你处理你的真实感受。直到你离开，你才会知道你真正的感受。
其他有用的帖子:
APA的参考
乔，K.(2015年4月9日)，逃离虐待关系:治疗师保持这个安静、健康的地方。2023年2月6日，从//www.5wetown.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2015/04/escaping-abusive-relationships-therapists-part2获取
作者:凯莉·乔·霍利
我离开了一段5年的虐待关系。
现在，我五岁的儿子去看他爸爸的时候，他就被虐待了。
我很无助，我不能保护我的儿子。
就在最近，我儿子报告说，他因为把东西洒在地板上而被他爸爸噎住了。
儿童服务机构不相信我儿子的披露。
我该怎么办?
单身近10年的我谈了9个月的恋爱。我终于接纳了一个人，把我的全部都给了这个男人。虚假的指控几乎立刻就开始了。认识3周后，他在工作，我们在深夜打电话。在几周内，我曾两次被指控在电话中与另一名男子发生性关系。他指责我和他在一起的那个人恰好是我最好的朋友的丈夫。我无法理解这事。我知道我绝对不会做那样的事，他也肯定相信我不是那种会做出如此可怕和恶心事情的人。在接下来的9个月里，我试图说服这个男人，我不是那个人，与此同时，只要他有机会，他就会口头攻击我，说他不信任我，每次我们在公共场合，我的眼神都会游离。一次又一次，我发现自己因为他错误地指责我的事情而受到言语攻击。 It got as bad as being accused of wanting his brother. I did everything to try and reassure him that I was a good person that had no intention on hurting or playing games. I began feeling emotionally battered. No matter positive I did he would praise me and act grateful but I knew the verbal assault would soon follow. I find myself putting an end to a relationship I thought I would manage to hold together but failed. My feelings are scrambled and confusing but I’m pretty sure my only option is to leave the relationship. In a sense I feel a little sadness for him. I don’t know how else to feel.
我有个精神虐待狂一直用煤气灯照射我。他是残疾人，我支持我们帮助他得到他的残疾。然而，他是一个谨慎的赌徒，拒绝放弃或说他正在放弃他的方式，这是通过放慢速度。他的名下不能有以前欠下的债，也不能有两个前妻生的女儿。生孩子一直是我人生的一个目标，这是我最接近的目标。但我想逃避精神和情感上的虐待。它控制着我。如果我离开，他的世界就会天翻地覆我爱的孩子们也会如此。他威胁说要把他买的车弄坏，但那车是以我的名义买的，而且是我付的钱。这是我觉得他欠我的一笔财产，我为之工作的钱，他搞砸了。 I feel trapped by empathy and it's suffocating the life out of me. He says everything is my fault and in my mind. I question everything no matter how much I try to stay strong. I'm crumbling.
昨晚我和我女朋友聊天，我发现几天前，她的准前男友，在她试图分手后，不仅强奸了她，还威胁说，如果她去报警，就不仅杀了她，还杀了她妈妈。她还说她有强烈的自残冲动，她厌倦了这一切，只想去死……
我现在最想知道的是，为了帮助她尽我所能应对这一切，我该为她做些什么或说些什么。
任何建议都将不胜感激。
谢谢你！
John L. Schreiber
嗨,约翰,
谢谢你伸出援手。我是艾玛-玛丽，“人际关系中的言语虐待”博主之一。你女朋友现在的处境听起来确实很危险。对她来说，试图反抗他或离开这段关系，直到她在一个安全的地方，受到良好的保护，这可能是不明智的。施虐者最危险的时刻往往是他们害怕失去控制的时候，通常是在分离的时候。因此，你的女朋友不要告诉她的伴侣她想要采取的任何行动，这一点很重要。
这个人的威胁不仅可怕，而且是非法的。如果你认为她有危险，你们中的一个应该立即报警——尽管我能理解为什么她在没有支持系统的情况下不愿意这么做。
我不确定你和这个女人的关系是浪漫的还是柏拉图式的，但你似乎很在乎她。她现在需要的是有人倾听并帮助她朝正确的方向前进，但你能做的也就这么多了。我建议你鼓励你的女朋友拨打家庭暴力求助热线，详情可以在我们的热线和资源页面．家庭暴力组织可以让她与当地的避难所、支持团体取得联系，并就如何保持安全并制定逃生计划提供切实可行的建议。你也应该考虑打电话给预防自杀热线如果你担心她会伤害自己——她向你表达过自杀的想法这件事就值得关注，我认为他们应该跟进。
很明显这个女人有危险，我们必须采取行动。能有你这样的人站在她这边真是太好了，约翰，你为她伸出援手真是太好了。只是一定要小心行事，在介入之前寻求家庭暴力顾问的建议。那通电话是你迈出的第一步。好运！
非常感谢你这么快的回复，
我已经截了你上面提到的两个数字的截图，并把它们传给了我的一些朋友，他们也担心这种情况，以防万一。这对我们所有人来说都是一个很大的帮助，我非常渴望看到结果可能会显示什么。
再次感谢。
我躺在床上哭，为我交往了8年的前伴侣感到难过，我和他有一个7岁的女儿。
我主要经历了精神上的虐待，但偶尔也有身体上的(打嘴唇、头和脸)。此外，他患有精神病/可能患有精神分裂症，但他被诊断为拒绝帮助。我感到内疚，我不得不收拾行李，和我的女儿一起离开，和我的父母住在千里之外。他不回任何人的电话和短信。他有时打个电话就挂了。他自己的家人说我必须回到父母身边，但J知道他的情况有多糟糕，还是觉得很糟糕。
任何建议都很感激。
嗨Nadine,
我会让这个博客的作者来解决你的滥用问题，但我确实想给你一个资源。这本书是关于如何让精神疾病患者接受帮助的:https://www.amazon.com/Someone-Mental-Illness-Treatment-Anniversary/dp/0967718937/ref=sr_..。
(我和HealthyPlace都没有关联。)
它帮助了很多人，我强烈建议你去查一下。
——娜塔莎·特雷西
-博客管理员
我的前任是躁郁症，有精神病发作。主要是由于持续吸毒。你最好把你的电话号码换了，如果他这么做了，记录下他发的任何信息。我理解我为他感到难过，但我知道我需要开始把我的感受和自我照顾放在首位，还有我的女儿们。在这段关系中，我花了很多时间担心他，而不是我和我的女儿。他长大了，必须照顾自己，这不是你的责任。注意力策略是施虐者试图把你拉回来或对你、你的思想和你的感情施加某种形式的控制的手段。你做得对选择你自己和你的孩子。你在这里寻求帮助和支持是对的。继续前进，继续为自己努力。 ♡
我有一个朋友处于“之后”阶段。我想帮她走出内疚，回到他身边，找回被他需要的感觉。但我不知道该说什么或做什么……我无法理解，也不想失礼……她需要朋友帮什么忙吗?
劳伦，你看起来是个很好的朋友，你的朋友很幸运有人关心他问这些问题。我认为在虐待关系结束后，可能会有一种不确定的状态，你不知道这只是他们循环的一部分，还是真的结束了，为了你的朋友，我希望是后者。我认为作为朋友，你能做的最好的事情就是不带评判地倾听，带着同情地倾听，并理解在一段虐待关系的后果中，一个人很难理性地思考他们对关系结束和前伴侣的想法和感受。她所经历的就像一个瘾君子努力保持清醒。我认为在这种情况下，“严厉的爱”往往会把一个朋友推开，因为她可能会感到自卫，她甚至可能相信这个男人是唯一会爱她的人。她可能已经觉得很可怜了，所以当她发现别人这么想或暗示她的时候，她可能会和别人保持距离。试着对她有耐心，当你们一起有计划的时候，保持忙碌，做一些让她分心的有趣的事情，不要做浪漫的喜剧!哈哈谢谢你联系劳伦，请随时联系我!艾米丽
我发现自己一直在发抖。我被他全家人欺负，现在是时候自救了。我想我一直待到儿子上大学。他还剩一年。他回到家过感恩节，却发现自己身处地狱。我40岁的继子打电话来祝大家感恩节快乐，除了我。我知道这听起来并不多，但它增加了每个人都能接受的行为清单。没有人会说，这是粗鲁的，或者为什么一个自称是基督徒的人会在这个节日被人憎恨?我丈夫不能跟我说话，只能用责备的语气。恐吓是他唯一的办法。 I feel like a whipping post. I am disabled from numerous spinal fusions so it makes the escape harder. How can I get 2 suitcases out the door to a cab? My son is my only family as everyone else has died. ZERO support but I know I have to get out before I literally end up in a padded room. Stay away from narcissists. The whole family has this gene. Marrying into another culture cannot always work. Jamaican family has never been kind to me ever. 26 years of hell. No more~
这就是我现在的样子……不停地发抖。我的压力太大了，我经常偏头痛和感冒。我不知道为什么会因为打算离开而感到内疚。他贬低我，我永远不能给出我的意见，因为他很生气。如果我说话，他会很生气，如果我不说话，我就不“友好或友好”。我赢不了。不久前，他把我的手机从我手里摔了出去，还把我的箱子摔坏了。他说我毁了圣诞节因为我想和家人一起过圣诞节。他说他需要"证据"证明我是他的家人。他开始为难我，因为我想花时间和朋友在一起。 I’m emotionally exhausted!
当我没有神奇地变回恋爱前的自己时，我感到惊讶和失望。恢复是艰难的。每天都是地狱。康复几乎和虐待一样糟糕。我孤身一人，没有人支持我，也没有人相信我。现在回想起来，我知道离开和断绝联系是我做过的最好的决定。我还在进步。我很高兴在我想放弃的时候没有放弃。
我是一名治疗师，我们会向我们的病人解释，在你逃离任何虐待关系后，你的情绪会出现过山车般的变化。我们的目的不是伤害我们的病人，我们解释一切并帮助我们的病人。请不要这样说。正在经历逃离虐待关系过程的人需要治疗。谢谢你！
实际上，我认为你没有理解作者的意思。如果不是，与其宣称她的话是假的，不如承认并不是所有的治疗师都以同样的方式工作——如果你确切地告诉你的病人要准备或期待什么样的感觉，你肯定不是我遇到过的任何治疗师。很多很多的治疗模式都依赖于治疗师作为主要强化者的角色，而不是引导或控制治疗过程的促进者。此外，改变前景取决于举例说明积极的前景，这样病人就会对未来有支持，有前瞻性的思维，尤其是在经历创伤的黑暗时期，就像这样。作者并不是在贬低治疗师。她指出治疗师的角色是不同的，对于改变受害者的生活是至关重要的。在经历这一困难、可怕、情绪不稳定和勇敢的事件时，交流和学习他人的第一手经验也是如此。她说，“勇敢”的部分是治疗的主要作用，但受害者经常被她事后的现实情绪所伏击，很少有人为她做好准备。
我的前任在我怀孕的时候开始虐待我，并在2015年2月发现他给一个女孩发短信，当时我们恋爱才6个月。阿努阿·阿拉提说他爱我想留下这个孩子。我在他手机里发现了另一个他一直在不适当地联系的女孩，我来是为了发现他之前和她有过一腿，所以我跟他对质了。他弄丢了，摔坏了我的手机，在厨房桌子上勒死了我。当时我怀孕12周。我打电话给警察,这成为了近2年的感情的开始和身体虐待,常数心理游戏,追踪我的位置在我的电话,隔离我从朋友,贬低我,说谎,偷窃和赌博,把钱藏在独立账户所以他没有付房租,天结束,他将消失喝和年轻女孩与他的失败者和吸毒的朋友,不断闯入我的手机和电脑监控我在做什么。我怀孕了，很害怕，我不知道该怎么办。当时我刚从纽约搬到荷兰阿姆斯特丹，为了自己和怀孕，我努力去相信他告诉我的所有谎言。他一直在玩弄我，利用我。我买了一辆滑板车，这样我们就可以到处走走，他也可以去他的新工作。 It was under his name because I am not from the NL and he told his friend that he would steal it for insurance money if we didn't work out. He would hide my much-needed prescription medication on me, and then say he didn't take it. He was so intimidated by me, that he worked to systematically destroy me. The woman he claimed he loved and the future mother of his child. I couldn't understand or wrap my head around it. Why would this man who promised me the world, steal, lie, cheat, and make me think I was being crazy or paranoid?! I supported him financially a bit, and he was so ungrateful and mean, and always hid money and lied to me about it. He promised to help and pay me back when he got a job. We got asked to leave apartments because of the abuse and complaints from the neighbors and I lost at least 5,000 in security deposits. He would call the police and play the victim. It was absolute insanity.
我付了我们去米科诺斯岛度假的钱，他喝醉的时候狠狠地扇了我一巴掌，把我的耳膜都打碎了。他乘船离开小岛回阿姆斯特丹，整个旅程需要24小时。我给他打了电话，付了他回岛上的机票钱，对他非常仁慈和友好。这个人肯定不可能这么邪恶。当他到达时，我看到他在电话里对他哥哥说我是“婊子”，尽管那天我身体受到了虐待，受了伤，刚刚把他从地狱般的船和飞机上救了出来。他的手机里有那么多女孩，他回来后承诺是这个或那个。
我在因为问题终止工作后又怀孕了，我撞见他给在史基浦机场工作的前女友发短信。我给她发了信息，她证实他问过她是否单身。当时我怀孕了，去爱尔兰探亲。他否认了一切，毁了我的整个旅行。
他是终极骗子，有典型的自恋型人格障碍。不久之后，我第二次怀孕失败了，他责怪我，说我应该克服它。一月份我们休息了几周，他回到了我们家，住在一起，接受治疗，改善我们的关系。阿诺尔答应了我，并哭着对我说，一切都会不同的。他本应该有一天和我一起去健身房，但我却在糖厂(夜总会)的队伍里找到了他和他的朋友，他们正在吃摇头丸。他说他很抱歉，让我和他们一起回家。那天晚上晚些时候，当我们回到家时，我在他的手机里发现了一个女孩，他整晚都在给她打电话，让她带着汗水的表情符号来见他。她18岁，是一个爱男孩的街头女孩。他又一次把责任推给他的朋友。他甚至在手机里改了她的名字，这样他就可以假装不知道她是谁。 She sent me the text messages and I was devastated. He promised it was a huge mistake and he was messed up on drugs and it would never happen again.
我们去做了个水疗，回到家，我们在一起之后，他正在洗澡，他的手机响了，我看到一个女孩发来的短信，他要了她的号码。我崩溃了，把自己锁在院子里，吼着让他离开。他拒绝了。我走进家里，冲他大吼大叫，他狠狠地扇了我两巴掌，我的耳环都飞了。我尖叫着让他离开并求救。然后他开始握紧拳头打我。我说他是狗娘养的，他就更狠了。我的头上和身上到处都是淤青、割伤和擦伤。他曾多次勒死我，差点让我晕过去，然后带着抓痕或撕破的衣服回家，并告诉他的家人我在“虐待他”。不真实。
谢谢大家的支持!我愚蠢地给了这个反社会自恋者第二次机会。我刚发现了他所有的秘密脸书，Instagram和电子邮件账户里面都是他花钱买春的账户，还在追过去的女人。我还发现他想要和一个女人性交。这些都是不正常的!我皈依了伊斯兰教，他向我保证，我们可以一起过上更好的生活。当我发现时，他失去了理智，打了我，勒死了我，并再次告诉我他会杀了我。在我们经历了那么多之后，我试着相信他。他承认他说谎是病态的，而我对一个刚刚生病的人坚持了那么久，我开始觉得自己疯了。我们需要提醒自己远离Anouar Allati, Anouar Mota, Anouar el Allati这种类型的世界。 They will suck you dry and leave your life in shambles if you let them. I came from NYC with my law degree to the Netherlands, and thought I'd settle down with a nice Amsterdam guy and build a life together. He played that part, but it all wore off until I could seee the monster behind the mask. I am putting my life back together, but it is hard to wrap my head around the abuse and psychotic things I endured for two years. My whole life as I know it with this man I loved and adored, was a complete lie. I wish I had listened to the people around him who warned me he was no good. I will be more cautious in the future, and I forgive and feel badly for someone who is so mentally ill. I know I can get better, but that type of narcissist never will. Please take care of yourselves, my fellow survivors.
我正在经历同样的虐待，没有孩子参与。我非常想逃离这一切!!他比我小5岁。他根本不支持我，只是迎合别人。每次我用他的谎言和不忠来接近他，他都会适得其反。我受够了，准备走了，但当你准备走却无处可去时，你要去哪里?
我在一段情感虐待关系中已经呆了4年了。前5年的生活超出了我的要求，我是世界上最幸福的女人。我丈夫认为我出轨，同时开始吸毒。那是我噩梦的开始。他经常指责我没有做过的事，跟我说话就像我是垃圾一样，说他会打我，尽管他从来没有打过我，但事情变得越来越糟。我的孩子一直坐着看着我大喊大叫，好像这很正常。我完全筋疲力尽了。我感到孤独和害怕。为什么我如此害怕离开?我知道我必须这么做。 I have always hung on to hope that he would change back into the man he used to be but I now realize that is not going to happen. I feel like I lost the wonderful man I had plans of spending the rest of my life with. I now have he opportunity to leave after feeling stuck and alone with no help for so long but why do I feel so guilty? Why am I so scared? I know I have to get out of my situation now but why I am struggling with making that first step when I know how toxic my relationship is and how it's damaging my son. I just feel completely drained and sick. I'm not looking forward to the long road of struggling to get myself back on my feet yet I can't stand to live this nightmare one more second.
我很同情你，这就是我现在的处境。我们没有孩子，所以我告诉自己现在是离开的最好时机。但我就是做不到，有时候我真希望他把我赶出去，这样我就不会因为离开他而内疚了。我知道这很可悲，但我就是打不起精神永远离开他。我真希望我有勇气离开他。或者他应该离开我，我就自由了
我和我已经成年的孩子们遭受了不断的虐待，他们通过愤怒、有辱人格的评论、威胁来改变我们的生活。我感到很内疚，因为我的孩子们都被那个他们称之为父亲的男人所伤害。他对错误很慷慨，我们过着富足的生活，但当他的愤怒和愤怒的丑陋突然爆发时，这一切都毫无意义。我最近受了伤，脑部受了伤。和他在一辆车里，他辱骂我，威胁我。我求他考虑一下，但他说"去你的伤"这句话出自一个我护理过多次受伤和手术的男人。我们自驾游去了一个度假小镇。在去那里的路上，他像个疯子一样开车来吓我。一路上他又骂又叫。 When we arrived there I was so depleted I had to go to bed at 5 in the afternnon. The trip was miserable. once home i felt distanced from him. I had finally admitted if I stay this is my life to the end. Fear, verbal bause, and anxiety. What drives me to finally end it is him now abusing my oldest son over a business deal. I have had enough! Sentiment and nothing but bad memories are the realit. I cannot ride out my last days on earth with this monster. QI now admit my entire life with himhas never been happy pr safefor me. My heart breaks o er theain my children have gone through. ALadies, know that I am finally totally walking away! QIm free!
我的前任在情感上虐待我，我才真正向自己承认这一点，因为我花了几个月的时间想念他，希望他回来。这是我最长时间没有和他说话了(3周)，我终于明白了，尽管我爱他，他也不想伤害别人——他的行为是一贯的，他在每段关系中都重复虐待的模式。处理被施虐者拒绝的情绪是我迄今为止最困难的经历。
他现在正和一个好朋友谈恋爱。我还没有告诉她他的虐待，但他的前女友几年前在fb上发表了一份公开声明，披露了他的虐待，许多其他女性评论证实了这一点。我想匿名把这个链接发邮件给她。这是个坏主意吗?你是想让你的朋友知道还是我只是在抱怨?我和她还是朋友，但我觉得直接跟她说会显得有点嫉妒。只是嫉妒吗?
我肯定会警告她……我同意之前的回答，开始告诉她你不嫉妒，已经向前看了，很快乐……但她需要在她成为受害者或更糟的受害者和一个无辜的孩子之前知道，现在已经太晚了!不幸的是，这是我的经验之谈!祝你好运，上帝保佑!
我也经历了7年的虐待关系。我离开过他两次，又回来了。这是我第三次离开，我打算再也不回来了。我很害怕，迷路了。我责怪自己，但现在深刻地意识到我不应该受到身体暴力和控制。如果我不走，他最终会杀了我。我曾经认为我一个人做不到，没有人会要我，我会一直后悔离开。我现在展望未来，渴望幸福。
我祈祷你能找到离开的力量。我知道这听起来很老套，但你不应该这样。我自己没有多少勇气，而且正在处理情感虐待。我祈祷会有一个安全的地方给你，远离这个配不上你的人。我相信上帝把你创造成一个完整、能干、可爱的人;他想让我们处于爱的关系中(很遗憾，我很清楚这并不总是给定的)。那个人刚刚被转移了话题，或者躲起来了(可能是出于安全考虑，避免激怒一个愤怒的、没有安全感的、反复无常的人)。我祈求上帝带领你过上更好的生活。请注意安全，知道别人关心你。
任何人都没有权利以任何方式故意伤害你。他们对虐待妇女有心理上的态度。这不是你的错。你可以逃到任何地方……情况只会变得更糟as they will "punish" you more.you can't fix them and make treat you nice...ever!
我目前在一个婚姻,是的,我试图离开,但说话如果我离开不会能再见到我儿子这么痛我,这一次我们去一些老人,他们对我们说,这里的建议是让我给他一次机会,但我不认为这是个好主意看到接下来的一个星期他又做了同样的事,一直对自己说我要告诉我的家人但我担心他们会做什么,他不给我空间什么都不做,我告诉了一个朋友，她让我离开他，但他不让我离开。经济上不存在，但我不能再这样做了，我需要去，但我不知道该怎么做，我有很严重的疾病，我担心当我离开的时候可能会发生，我和我的儿子单独在一起，如果我发生了什么事，没有人会帮助他，然后我为想要离开他而感到内疚，只是为了他有一个更好的机会。所以我只能坐着哭着睡着。请帮帮我。
如果你有孩子，真的没有帮助。我带着我的钱逃离了这个州，不仅被命令回去，而且被迫住在离他不到五十英里的地方。我现在的生活都围着他转。没有支持，没有帮助……
我从施虐者手中逃脱已经5天了，有一次我把它延长到了11天。我肯定我会回去的，我总是这样。我的上一段感情也是这样。他进了监狱，我就把他赶出了我的生活。一年后，我遇到了现在的施虐者，他马上就忙起来了。他把我闷死了，把我呛晕了，好几次把我的眼睛弄黑了，不管情况如何，他总是责怪我，这都是我的错。他在前几段感情中并不溺爱我。最后一个人也这么说过，但他真的是……我有时认为是我自己把它带到了自己身上。我有毒瘾，我的生活方式和选择是我被虐待的部分原因，但说实话，在我有记忆之前，我就被身体虐待了。我妈妈是个虐待狂。 It's been years since I have even spoke to her and I slowly began cutting of contact with all my family and it seems like the more I cut family of the more abused I was. I wish I could change my past but I know that's not possible, I'm almost certain things i wont do much better for my future. I do love the Lord with all my heart and I'm thankful that I have him to be with me and comfort me especially when I feel like I'm in the war zone and I'm going to die at the hands of a man that claims he loves me. Sometimes I welcome death..that's where victory is for me. If I am able to stay away from him this time, I am going to help women like me. If I go back, well there's no doubt that he will be the death of me and hopefully someone reading this will relate to my story and save themselves.
我正处在一段糟糕的感情中。我经常读书，让自己知道我不是唯一一个这样的人。我男朋友是阿拉伯人…穆斯林。我和他在一起仅仅3个月就怀上了我的儿子。我怀孕的时候他就开始打我。他因虐待我而进了好几次监狱。有一次他把我打昏了，还把我送进了医院，因为我躲在我母亲的房子里。我后悔没有起诉你。我儿子现在1岁了，我被虐待的次数比每晚我给他做晚饭，我坐在桌子旁做作业，因为他邀请别人过来，我就发脾气了，最近我们一直在争论他总是和他的朋友在一起。 He came and struck me and threw all of the food that I made all over me and all over the kitchen, yesterday he punched me in my lips so I had a fat lip all day today. I stay with him because I'm scared, I'm scared my plans of leaving him will fail and then I will really get it. I don't know what to do... he tells me I'm ugly, he can't stand me... so why won't h just let me go? He tells me to leave my son with him and I can go. I'm really so desperate but I am so scared. He knows where my mom lives he knows where I go to school... I am so skinny from how depressed I am, I don't even eat because it makes me sick to my stomach. I dont know what I did to deserve this, I don't know why he hates me so much when I do everything for him a woman should do. Getting the police involved I feel like they won't do much. I just feel like I'm going to end up dead. I don't want to do this anymore and I wish I can just get out. If you are in an wbusive relationship I would just recommend to leave when you have the chance because these kind of people will never change. I feel so grossed out when I see him, I hate when he touches me.
我很抱歉你儿子和你要面对这样一个可怕的人。这不是你的错，你不想让你的儿子在没有妈妈的情况下长大，你需要为你们俩坚强起来，如果需要的话，试着联系当地的收容所或警察。我希望你和你的儿子能有足够的力量和勇气，勇敢坚强地走出困境
我祈祷你找到内在的力量在你神赐福给你,爱你,不让你通过生活不幸的人可以看到的潜在在我们之前,我们看到它自己的任务是阻止可能但你们都将成为你besire和mi的前女友的一切告诉我,我就会没有他的事情现在我有更多的然后他你必须做某事你从来没有做你去你从未去过的地方(追逐你的梦想)他们永远不会意识到他们的上帝保佑你们所有人，你们会找到自由
我的一生都充满了虐待。当我15岁的时候，我开始和一个比我大几岁的男人约会，他开始很酷，在我身上花钱，让我觉得自己像个公主，当我只有17岁的时候，我发现自己怀孕了。我决定留下这个孩子。他慢慢地露出了真面目。开始时这里推了一下，那里推了一下然后这里磕了一下，那里磕了一下。我相信你知道剩下的。他对我很糟糕，但他是一个可靠而稳定的父亲。我们分手了，我独自生活了几年，他会在周末带着我们的儿子，但老实说，我开始和一群不太好的人一起玩，做一些我不太自豪的事情，所以我儿子的父亲允许我和儿子搬去和他住，直到我重新振作起来。尽管我们没有在一起，但他又开始虐待我了，时间一长一长，偶尔处理一下虐待问题比离开并独自处理要容易得多。我很害怕。我没有家人的支持，我很害怕。但后来我遇到了一个男人，我以为他会是我穿着闪亮盔甲的骑士，结果却成了我最可怕的噩梦。他答应会照顾我，永远不会伤害我。我有一些心理健康问题，我有躁郁症和躁狂抑郁症，我收集ssi，所以我的收入和选择有限，但无论如何，我儿子的父亲决定把我和我所有的东西扔到房子前面的街道上。都是因为他厌倦了我住在那里，他遇到了一个女孩，她不喜欢我住在那里，所以他把我赶了出去。我刚认识这个人，所以我不太了解他，他说我可以和他和他妈妈住在一起。她是一个生病的女人，所以他需要住在那里，帮助照顾这里。反正他是这么跟我说的。我把儿子抱在怀里，不想放手。but all the fighting in the street was traumatizing.so i left and this guy turned out to be the craziest man i ever met.he showed his true colors very fast.he was crazy jealous i couldnt talk to my sons father without a huge fight and when i realized he was a real abusive man i tried to leave he actually cut himself so bad he needed 12 staples in his arm.he lied and told the hospital someone did that to him.after that he tried to be so sweet with me but honestly i was afraid to bring my son around him.he wouldnt leave my side for a second he would tell me things like he would take his life if i left or mine and things like that.i had a court date about custody of my son on the way to court he thought he was going to loose me he ran in front of a bus.imagine i was in aposition of a man thats sick and obsessed with me.well imagine i have been dealing with this man for over 4 years i really dont know how i lasted this long.my son wouldnt talk to me for r years he only recently started writing me.he wants to see me and i am dying to see him.i cry myself to sleep every night since the day i was thrown out.i wish every day that i could go back 5 years.this man has put me through hell since i met him.i recently started saving some money and putting my important papers on the side and tryingbto reach out and see what kind of help i can get.i pray everyday god will answer my prayers and bring my son and i back together.i went threw ovarian cancer twice and almost died, i thank god i had my son so young i had to have a total hysterectomy when i was only 28.my son is turning 16 i missed out on 4 years of his life i cant miss anymore.please i need help.i feel so stuck i feel sorry for him his mother passed away almost a year ago and they were very close but now its even more abusive.he dont give me anytime alone he always wants my attention.he dont sleep.he is also metally ill.i only have alittle time here and there.i try to make phone calls and find out as much as i can.its really a nightmare.everyday i wish i could just wake up and this all have been a horrible nightmare.i apologize for pouring so much out.oh and how very stupidly i married this very unstable man.i need some advise please.i collect ssi for mental health issues and back problems.please if you could tell me how to get into housing or what my next move should be i just want a home so i could get my son back.i miss him so much.please help.thank you.
在你们所有人的声音中听到自己的声音，我深深地受伤了……我刚满21岁，到今年11月我和男朋友在一起已经5年了。我15岁就认识他了。他是我所知道的一切，因为我父亲在我13岁时去世了。他是如此的可爱，是有史以来最有趣的人(在一个“好”的日子里)。但现在我无法忍受看着他……我发现自己想要伤害他就像他伤害我一样严重。我知道我不应该这样，但是离开真的很难…我知道他是谁，我知道什么会让他哭泣，我知道他是一个关心他人、感情丰富的人。但我发誓他好像有两个人格… I despise the other. He hits me, slaps me, he has spit on me, drags me across rooms by my clothes, throws me against walls, runs at me, threatens me, calls me every name in the book. I try to ignore the things he says verbally to me but they ring in my head and when he speaks them my chest hurts just as bad as when he hits me. It's only been a year of this and I can't do it anymore. I cry almost everyday. People I know are growing up and maturing and I feel as if I'm going backwards... He makes me feel like a child and gets mad that I act like one! He makes absolutely no sense and I am never allowed to speak to tell him that. If I do, all hell breaks loose. I hate that this is my life. I ask God what I did to deserve this... Because I know leaving him is gonna put me into more of a depression. I hope I can find happiness as I am still young. Even for all of you that have been in this for way longer, I know there is someone out there for each of us that will show us and treat us with the love we deserve.
阿德里亚娜，我必须对你说实话，如果我不了解，我会认为我们是和同一个人在一起。我嫁给的这个怪物毁了我的灵魂，毁了我的每一部分，我真的不知道我怎么还活着。我知道我不应该这样，但就像你一样，那些时刻，另一个人站出来，知道如何让我为他感到难过。这是我的错，如果我能停止这个或开始做那个，停止顶嘴。哇，我不知道你是我爸爸，这真是一个活生生的噩梦。these men get such a hold on us and they take our love for granted and try to make us feel so awful about ourselves that no one will ever want to be with us.and i know its not true, and honestly ive been through this too long in life i really just rather be alone! I just wanted to let you know you are still so young and i was exactly where you are when i was your age only i had a son.its not easy but then again what we go through everyday is hell anyway.i can promise you that you will be so much better off once you can make that huge step.once you get out the rest will be a dream come true.i wish you so much luck.they dont realize it only takes one little push to fall the wrong way or them hit you in the wrong spot for something really tragic to happen.please get out before that.we are in very similiar situations its not easy at all just got to stop worrying about them and worry about us.please do everything possible to get out asap..i wish i knew how to help i myself is on here looking for help.im disabled with a very low income.i just keep trying to save as much as i can without him noticing and got my papers where i can grab them.good luck
我结婚19年了。他53岁，我37岁。我从一个虐待我(性)的继父那里逃了出来，并在两周内嫁给了我的丈夫。直到大约10年前，这一切都很美好。他成了一个酒鬼，而且越来越糟。不过没人知道。我是一个呆在家里的妈妈，(3个孩子年龄分别为15岁、16岁和18岁，他是自闭症患者)，我在家上学。我和孩子们除了彼此没有朋友也没有家人。他所有的朋友都认为他很棒，我们是完美的家庭。他们都知道他把我从家里“救”出来，所以他们认为他很了不起。 He has never hit any of us, he is emotionally and mentally abusive to me and our children. He has a daughter that is 33 and she is perfect in every way (she's an alcoholic too and a teacher so she hides it well. The children and I want to leave but I have no access to any money as I have never worked, am not on the checking account, credit cards, the house and my car are in his name. I don't know what I am going to do but I know I have to do it fast. He shot my son and daughter's dogs because they played to rough with his dog (his princess) right in front of them.
首先我想说谢谢你分享你内心最深处的想法，它确实帮助我阅读你的故事。我在找出租的地方。我感到泄气、沮丧、困惑、悲伤和迷失。在过去的六年里，我和一个除了愤怒、怨恨、操纵和玩游戏之外没有任何情感的人生活在一起。我不能说出我内心最深处的想法，因为我不信任他.....他会嘲笑我，他会曲解我的话和意思，然后告诉他的同伴......他不尊重我的感受。他在我的孩子面前发脾气，贬低我，贬低我。他很有魅力，富有同情心，对每个人都倾听和笑，除了我。他操纵我，让我认为我不值得，我全职工作，我抚养孩子(不是他的感谢上帝)。在外人看来，他是个好人，但在我看来，他只是个惹是生非的混蛋。 He has done drugs for over thirty years, no-one knows. He thinks choking me and going to hit me is funny. This is also a story no-one knows. i am dirty on myself for giving him chance after chance. even last night he has this falseness about him trying to convince me he has changed, it is a cycle, it will last about one week, this time I am confident to leave, I feel like a failure but looking back i have tried every avenue possible. The ironic thing is that in a relationship it takes two people to make a success. I am scared, I am still breathing, the sun is shinning, I have beautiful children both boys, I have strength to get out. My feelings and emotions are real, They are mine and I will look after them........That's my promise to me.
我已经离开虐待我的人2个月.....虽然这是地狱与他，它变得熟悉....当他不在言语上、情感上或身体上虐待我的时候，他能迅速地说一些让我感到被爱的话……但他无法坚持到底……我认为他最长可以体面的是2周最多....他降级了，然后道歉。告诉我回来，他会永远珍惜我……在youtube上播放老歌，告诉我这就是他对我的感觉……然而，他会打我，推我，在我身上撒尿，骂世界上任何脏话，我仍然会回去，我必须在2年内离开@至少50-60次，每次我回去，我觉得没有我他很痛苦，他很抱歉.....但它从未保持良好....现在我不在.... Now I feel every gamut of emotions ..... I'm sad...I'm heartbroken, I hate myself, I question my thoughts constantly... He would always call me angry... When after so many arguments I would finally say nothing ,then I'd get angry cause I felt like a fool believing him again..... He would say he should just lock me in a mental institution.....I was homeless piece of shit..... A whore... He'd go on for hours saying the same thing ... I'd hide on the ranch and hear him going on for hours.....why didn't I leave??? I left sometimes , sometimes he'd take my ranch key , and I'd be locked in... I had him arrested 3 times .... He took a plea deal probation, domestic violence classes, 12 months of AA.... I've been gone 2 months and he still had not started any conditions and 8 months passed.....
我最重要的一点是.....现在我脾气暴躁…我觉得所有的虐待，现在我自由了，我仍然不能在他之前做我自己.....
我准备抓拍....我要么在哭，要么在市场、加油站对陌生人小气......我对自己完全不舒服......
不知所措，祈祷这一切都会过去.....
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我和一个自恋的男人结婚32年了，他在情感上、言语上，有时还在身体上虐待我。这种情况持续了太久，我完全失去了自我。我试着离开了三次，每次都因为害怕而回来。我没有自尊，我活着却不是在生活。我有两只狗，它们是我每天活着的理由。我做了32年的全职工作，但现在因为脑动脉瘤和中风，我感觉被困住了。我仍然抱有希望，并不断为我自己和我的狗寻找一个我能负担得起的地方。
阅读每个人的故事肯定会有帮助，我也不会感到那么孤独。我希望我们每个人都能找到真正的幸福。
我有一段非常糟糕的婚姻，没有多少感情，我对我的丈夫辱骂。我对他很糟糕，我不怪他失去了对我的爱。我发现自己患有躁郁症、创伤后应激障碍和边缘性人格障碍。我开始吃药，但花了一段时间才找到合适的药和剂量。我还在努力，试着接受治疗。我和一个男人分手后开始约会，他对我很好。他很深情，会给我买花，为我做饭，用无数种方式表达他的关心。我觉得他很棒，很适合我。几个月后，他来我家，我们喝得酩酊大醉。我不记得我们说了什么，但我们开始争吵，他生气了，把一个杯子扔在地板上，玻璃碎了。 I told him to leave. I had to repeat it over and over and he would not. He stood in my doorway and said he didn't have to and he'd leave when he was ready to. I was so angry I slapped him across the face. He reached out and pushed me by my cheek and shoved me back. My neck twisted and I went flying back and fell and slid in broken glass and hit my head on the floor. I was afraid of him after that but he said it was self defence because I laid my hands on him first. He then started trying to win me back by being the man I knew before and I figured it was an isolated incident. Even still, something in my gut said it wasn't right and I dumped him every month but we always got back together because by then I was all messed up thinking he loved me more than anyone had and I couldn't let that go for whatever reason. We moved in together a year later when I sold my house because I was desperate for somewhere to live and had no job so a very limited amount of money to pay bills. Within one month he changed completely like he knew he had me and now his real side came out. I dumped him within that first month and started sleeping in another room. For the past 8 months I have gone from hating him to wanting to rekindle something to being scared of him to wanting to kill myself. I'm all over the place and my mental illnesses do not help. He would make comments like how he thought we should live together forever even if we weren't a couple because he loved my company. Then he would accuse me of having cheated on him while we were together and that he always loved me more than I loved him. He calls me psycho and self-absorbed, assumes I'm not on my meds or that I'm drunk when I come home late from visiting a friend. He expects to know who I'm going out with and when I will be home, or to text him if I will be late and if I don't he waits up for me and gets angry when I come home. He is possessive, controlling, and mentally/emotionally abusive all the time. I feel like I live in a cage and he's not even my boyfriend anymore. We had another incident of physical abuse when he was belittling me and trying to get me so upset to the point I got angry and hit him, which "in self defence" he took as an opportunity to shove me across the kitchen into the lower cabinets. He called the cops on me that time because he figured he should do it before I did. I have been trying to fight back and not let him run my life but sometimes I have such bad anxiety and am just too afraid of his moods that I end up not doing anything. I barely smile or laugh. I don't feel good inside and I cry every day. This is so draining. I recently got a new apartment and am trying to move in but he is once again making life hell and I don't even have the energy to pack a box let alone put it in my car and take it to the new place. I need to get out and to safety away from him and live my own life but I'm scared. I'm afraid to be alone and be a part-time single mom with no job and I have no idea how I'm going to make it work without a support system. I've been on a wait list for therapy for over 3 months. Sometimes I feel like I'm such a waste of space and he's right about me being trash. Other times I fight these thoughts but they never quite go away. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I used to be beat by my dad, I was raped multiple times as a teenager, I was abused by boyfriends etc. I have so much trauma but this one has destroyed me to my core. I don't think I will ever be able to get past this but it is really comforting to read other comments and know that people in similar or worse situations have fought and won their battles. So thank you for giving me some hope.