儿童精神疾病导致的兄弟姐妹虐待
我的家人经历了兄弟姐妹虐待,因为我儿子患有破坏性情绪调节障碍(DMDD)。这意味着他的情绪反应与触发因素严重不成比例。更糟糕的是,导火索往往是他的妹妹。如果他察觉到她得到了任何他没有得到的积极的东西,世界末日就会爆发。我不知道没有精神疾病的兄弟姐妹如何互动。我所知道的是,兄弟姐妹之间的争斗让人筋疲力尽。
兄弟姐妹虐待vs.兄弟姐妹竞争
兄弟姐妹为任何事情打架:物品、父母、游戏。父母期待这样,即使我们觉得很无聊。
当一个兄弟姐妹对另一个兄弟姐妹的行为是严重的、故意的和重复的,竞争就变成了兄弟姐妹虐待。我儿子有时会找我女儿恐吓她或打断她。我女儿从来没有试图伤害他,除非是出于自卫。大多数时候,她渴望得到他的关注,因为她爱他。
对父母来说,看着它会造成深深的伤害,它会导致慢性焦虑。
是什么导致了兄弟姐妹虐待?
兄弟姐妹虐待的原因似乎与造成伴侣虐待的原因。我曾经读到过,患有间歇性爆发性精神障碍(IED)的儿童,类似于DMDD,有更高的可能性虐待未来的亲密伴侣。这在一定程度上是因为,就像ddd一样,一旦他们失去情绪控制,他们就不能轻易平静下来。与此同时,他们破坏财产或伤害人民。当他们平静下来时,他们感觉很糟糕,但这并不能治愈被虐待者。
像成年人一样,在孩子身上,也有对权力和控制的需求。我儿子的家庭治疗师指出,他和妹妹的争吵经常涉及他试图从她那里夺走权力或试图控制她的行为。如果他觉得她得到了更多的关注,更少的作业,或任何他想要的东西,他会特别激动。他经常想要“公平竞争”,却不明白它已经是公平的,或者有时他实际上比她拥有更多。
如何防止兄弟姐妹虐待
这很累,但父母会阻止它。我感觉自己一直在一个拳击场上,不停地跑着把他们分开,或者站在他们中间挡掉扔来的物体。我不得不把我儿子抬回他的房间这样他就能在一个安全的环境中从ddd的爆发中恢复过来。我让家人或朋友带我女儿去其他地方待几个小时,这样她就可以安全了。
这也是精神疾病如此孤立的另一个原因。我丈夫和我不常出去,因为哪个保姆能应付得了孩子的暴力爆发呢?我儿子不能一个人看着他妹妹。我们必须在裁判互动时在场。
这意味着精神疾病也很累人。我的孩子们必须生活在一起,所以我需要保护我的女儿,同时努力帮助我的儿子。他们需要两种不同的养育方式,但只有我一个人,在同一个拳台上牵制他们,防止他们虐待兄弟姐妹。
手足虐待如何得到帮助
我儿子的行为使他处于被伤害或伤害他人的危险之中。最近的新闻报道让我对女儿的健康非常焦虑,却没有担心她在家的安全。我需要管理好他们俩的情绪负担,而我自己也快负担过重了。
我对她的下一步是治疗,在一个安全的地方讨论她哥哥和任何兄弟姐妹的虐待。我们在家庭治疗中尝试过,但我儿子对他的谈话反应很差虐待行为。我听说这种情况也发生在成人虐待关系的治疗中。
我给女儿提供了家庭以外的出路:女童子军、钢琴课和课外活动。她需要更多与父母独处的时间,这是另一个需要采取的步骤,尽管实现起来更加困难。
我有点不知所措,所以如果有人知道兄弟姐妹虐待资源,请在评论中留下一些。我相信这对很多家长都有帮助。
另请参阅
APA的参考
(2017年12月18日)。儿童精神疾病导致的兄弟姐妹虐待,HealthyPlace。检索时间为2022年10月20日,网址为//www.5wetown.com/blogs/parentingchildwithmentalillness/2017/12/when-childhood-mental-illness-leads-to-sibling-abuse
作者:Melissa David
我是一名成年(35)女性。这听起来太不真实了。我从来没有觉得自己老了,即使是随着年龄的增长。不是以一种年轻的心态,而是一种停止智力发展的方式。我哥哥比我大一岁半,6岁时被诊断出患有躁郁症。6岁时,他试图勒死我,第一次被送进精神病院。我不能在他6岁的时候谈论他的想法,只是为了他在接下来漫长而痛苦的14年里的行动。有些人可能知道这一点,但对你来说不知道(我现在不知道),但那时候一个孩子只能被抱72小时。如果他们的父母不接他们,他们将被指控疏忽儿童。这不是一个有趣的想法吗,不要把需要治疗的孩子留在家里,而忘记了家里的孩子。 So at first I was told to call the cops when he attacked me. Two times. That's all it took for my parent's attitude to shift. They didn't say it but I knew. After that I never called the cops. The cops got called a handful of times by neighbors but never me. Over the years I was destroyed. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Teachers, fellow students, neighbors... everyone knew. In middle school I had one counselor who tried to help but that was over pretty quick. He was bipolar, what could they do. It only took a couple of times for a "friend" to come over and they wouldn't return. I will spare the details of all of the years but just know plenty of people saw it, plenty knew it. The one time that cemented in my head that I was not worth anything..... 5 guys sat on the couch and watched it. I don't blame them, they were scared. That day we ALL ran out of the house and down the street because he ran to get a shotgun. Fast forward a couple of years, alcohol ,self mutilation, drugs, rehab at 16, and an hour and a half move north. He wasn't there at first but of course then he was. My husband, boyfriend at the time, found us on the porch with my brothers hands wrapped around my neck. That was his go to the last couple of times he tried to kill me. He saved me, they fought, brother ran inside, I said we have to run, ran down the street as the cops get out and tazer brother bc he ran out of the house with a butchers knife. I moved in with boyfriend and mother. That was 15 years ago. My husband has been the one light I needed my entire life. I thought I was fixed by him doing one simple thing. Listening. I am by far healed. I am put in situations with my brother from time to time. And everytime it is violent, threatening and I am petrified. I tried to talk to my mom about it twice. She says that I already talked to her about it and shuts me down. It sounds like we are world's away doesn't it? No. We talk everyday. I knew I would always have issues with it but never did I think I would be where I am now. I am lost, useless and definitely suicidal. The laughable part? I could never take my own life because the guilt I feel for the people around me. So here I am stuck in a nothing existence where I am not good enough for anything and have no out. There are alot of after effects to my situation but I feel like I have brought this forum down enough. I wanted to tell you my story because I NEED you to know this, your daughter needs you to know this. Stand by her, keep telling her her feelings matter, never get annoyed or bothered if she wants to cry or just tell you how it is hurting her, make sure she knows that what is happening is not okay. You seem to be doing all of that and I promise you it matters. Don't let her be destroyed like I am.
目前我正在经历这个,我的小弟弟(这很奇怪,因为我是最大的,一个13岁的孩子被我9岁的弟弟虐待),我妈妈尽她最大的努力给我一个安全的环境,也照顾我的弟弟,我已经习惯了坐在她注意力的后座上一段时间,她通常把她的注意力倾注在他身上,有时我很难看着。但在内心深处,我知道他比我需要更多的帮助,但最后我妈妈带我去看医生,帮我找出我的焦虑和其他精神问题(9岁的孩子患有DmDD,我可能有多种形式的焦虑和抑郁
我和一个姐姐住在一起,她总是欺负我,侮辱我,每天干扰我所有的思想,就像走在蛋壳上一样。我的家人只是说无视她,不要做太多。我已经快21岁了,我一生都在处理她的虐待,当你长时间处理一件事时,会让你的精神和情感枯竭。她有强迫症和抑郁症,但这是什么借口来伤害我?没有借口。我受够了这些屁话
是的!是的!工作很累…但我们必须继续前进。我们过着平行的生活……我的女儿与ddd斗争,她的弟弟也感受到了影响,但我们尽最大努力让他们俩都安全,并感到被爱。
你应该受到赞扬,因为你认识到你儿子虐待他的妹妹,并试图保护她不受伤害。我真的很同情你的女儿,因为我也被我哥哥虐待过。然而,我的父母没有阻止它,也没有帮助我。作为一个成年人,我患有抑郁症和慢性疼痛,我觉得这是由创伤引发的。我希望我的父母能像你一样乐于助人,知识渊博。我知道你和你儿子也很痛苦。祝大家好运。