饮食失调:指导父母和亲人

在公开谈论厌食症,痛苦我都听见了数以百计的声音像他们说的,“她是这样一个美丽的女孩,她不需要饮食——如果她只会吃。”It seems so obvious, she's underweight and needs to gain weight --- if she would 'just eat' everything would be 'just fine.' Unfortunately, it is not that simple at all. Whenever you find yourself tempted to believe that the solution is for her to "just eat," it may be helpful for you to remember that people develop anorexia for many different reasons. Remind yourself often that anorexia recovery is a complicated process that requires more than simply facing fears related to food and weight and learning to cope with them. It is a process that demands a deep introspective look at one's life and at one's own self. It is a process which necessitates exploring one's wants, needs, and desires for the individual herself as well as for her life in general. Recovery compels the individual to examine the underlying issues that led to the development of her anorexia in the first place. Dealing with and reconciling all of the thoughts and feelings attached to each of these areas takes time and patience from everyone involved. You may already understand that recovery requires a good deal of motivation and effort from the individual herself, and your knowing this may cause you to wonder if there is anything you can you do that will positively impact her recovery process. And there are in fact many things that you can do throughout her recovery process that can make a world of difference --- for both of you.

因为没有一种方法或者恢复,因为适合有些人不工作,甚至远程帮助别人,这是至关重要的发展线流公开和诚实的沟通两个方向:从你和她。你需要能够给彼此温柔的反馈有用,有时不那么有用的东西,你做的和说的。一个开放的沟通将会消除你的恐惧的无意中说“错了”,在某种程度上不利于她的复苏。我们都是人,虽然我们的意思是,我们有时说错话。但这并不意味着你一手吃光了她复苏。如果你的沟通渠道是固体,她能告诉你,你所说的不是帮助,她可能会建议您可以说或做其他事情,会更有帮助她。你反过来能够听到她同情地反馈和应对它。例如,如果你说“哇,你看起来真的很棒!你最后发福吗?”She could respond with, " I know you mean well, but it's really hard for me to hear you say things like 'you look great,' because I still think that you really mean that I look fat. When you ask if I've put on weight it really confirms for me that my fear is a reality. I'm trying really hard to concentrate on what's inside of me instead of how I look." You might then offer, " I didn't realize it had that effect on you. I will try to watch out for that in the future, but please know that even though I mean well I may make a mistake and say something that isn't helpful. But if you will keep letting me know how what I say affects you, I know we can get through this together." With sound communication the process is reciprocal, meaning that it also works in the opposite direction. You will be able to let her know when she unintentionally hurts your feelings or needs more from you than you are able to give. And she in turn will be able to absorb that information and respond to you in a tender manner. If you are both communicating effectively, there will be no problem too great for you to work out and overcome together.

练习沟通技巧经常鼓励她讲她是什么感觉,是一种移情的侦听器。我不能过分强调基本换位思考的重要性,它是如此重要的恢复过程。究竟什么是感同身受呢?移情本质上意味着你正试图了解她理解的方式,而不是你认为她应该了解它的方式。移情是把自己放在她的鞋子,她的经历和她在一起。试着去想象如何通过认真的听着,她感到同情。接受她的观点,她认为没有试图改变这样的语句,“哦,不要让那打扰你了,这不是那么重要”或“就放手。你是一个伟大的人,看看你所要你。”Show her that you care and that you are making a genuine effort to understand by offering her words such as, "It sounds like an aching that grows inside you with each passing day," or "That sounds so frustrating; I can only imagine how angry you must be. That would make me really angry, too." Offering her compassion opens the door for both of you to talk in more detail about how she experiences the world around her. Your acceptance and willingness to see things as she does will enable her to say freely, "It's really more like..." and further clarify her situation and feelings for both of you, thus taking the conversation to a much more intimate level. It is so helpful for every individual to be able to share her point of view, her thoughts, and her feelings without being judged. It will certainly help her feel less alone in the world, and she will undoubtedly take comfort in the fact that you understand and appreciate her on a much deeper level.

如果她在情感上的痛苦,是有她的。给她的空间体验和穿过它。很难看到有人在痛苦中我们关心,你可能发现自己马上要“修复”,让她感觉更好。你可能会觉得应该给她各种各样的建议或使她振作起来。但考虑在自己的生活中当你感到强烈的悲痛。也许你失去你爱的人,或者有一些悲惨的情况下在你的生活中。你真的想听吗?这不是那么糟糕?你有一个令人难以置信的生活吗?你应该克服它吗? Or did you really want and need compassion, a warm embrace, and a soft voice offering you comfort as you shared your inner most pain? Sometimes just being there provides the most healing kind of comfort there is. To give someone the sense that you really understand where she is coming from, and to do that with gentleness and compassion is one of the most precious gifts we as human beings can give to one another.

我不建议任何人都沉浸在自己的痛苦。只是有时我们太担心储蓄人从他们的痛苦,我们去另一个极端,试图冲出来之前,他们甚至有机会治愈。许多人担心他们所爱的人将永远被困在痛苦。其他人发现目睹亲人的痛苦使他们伟大的不适,他们试着说服他们的痛苦的原因。但是记住,所有疼痛是合法的和有一个目的。相信痛苦需要认识和经验,以移动,在移动,这是通过我们的疼痛,我们最终治愈来自它。如果你的爱人是不断从她的痛苦转移被告知,她“不应该有这样的感觉”或“不那么糟糕,”然后,她仍然被困在这和无法种植经验。毫无疑问,你会发现如果你陪她通过她的痛苦,你将学习和成长。虽然它可能是真的,时间会治愈所有的伤口,它是爱,安慰和关怀,让治疗过程更容易忍受和完整。

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同样重要的是要记住,她是一个单独的分开她的饮食失调。了解她是谁要注意的事情,使她的微笑。注意把在她眼中闪烁。想知道不管它是什么,她奇迹。告诉她你喜欢她是谁,让她知道什么时候以及如何触动你的心。告诉她如何她让你快乐;让她知道她将进入你的生活。相信她的治愈能力,发展和繁荣。最重要的是告诉她,你相信她。表达你的关心与温暖的拥抱或握着她的手; a caring touch is often so healing. It can be so hard for an anorexic to like herself and be gentle with herself. But your treating her with gentleness, compassion, and respect will help her to be able to do that for herself somewhere down the road. She may feel so innately bad that it may be difficult for her to accept or even hear your compassion for her --- but don't give up! Continue to be gentle and compassionate, for this one day will help her to hear the loving voice of her own heart. Her critical inner voices may be muffling and overriding that loving voice now, but one day it will be that loving voice that will finally prevail.

鼓励她寻求治疗;帮助进食障碍的早期阶段往往使治疗更顺畅。从一种鼓励她,关心的地方,而不是严厉的或刚性。表达你的关心和关注你的眼睛,你的触摸,你的语气,你的言谈举止。有关,富有同情心的看你的眼睛和你的温柔的手放在她的肩膀将是一个更引人注目的和有效的方式说服她比大喊大叫寻求治疗,羞辱,或者威胁她会。想到父母温柔但公司边界的小孩。他们倾向于得到他们渴望的结果更快和更少的压力比面红耳赤的父母我们有时看到反复尖叫在杂货店的孩子。感觉好多了,温柔坚定的接收端,而不是在失控的愤怒。鼓励她去寻求治疗,过程中你可能会帮助她找到医生、理疗师、营养师、程序,和书籍。然而,请记住,虽然你可以帮助她找到这些资源,你不能强迫她使用它们。

同样重要的是你了解和认识到自己的局限性。我们都有。假装你没有限制,迫使自己去做更多的比你能做只会使你感到愤怒和生气。她一定会觉得怨恨和愤怒进而可能导致她感到内疚和羞愧。你可以看到忽略自己的限制最终只会伤害你们两个。如果你能在她的,只听一段时间每天或每周,内明确跟她和自己什么时候和时间是多久。最好提交自己较短的一段时间,然后真的有她在这段时间里,比让自己过于可用在某种程度上,你经常分心而在一起。问问自己什么你愿意也有能力做的事。你愿意保持某些问题食品的房子给她吗?你愿意为她专门做饭呢? Are you able to buy the specific foods that she may request? Once you have thought about these things, sit down and have an open discussion with her about these topics as well as any others that may arise for each of you. This may be a good time to also set certain limits around what you are able to tolerate. For example, if she is purging then she is the one who needs to clean up the bathroom afterwards, not you. This is one area where your open line of communication will be extraordinarily beneficial to you both.

得到对自己的支持。看你关心的人并不容易对付厌食症,只有这么多,你可以做。记住,你无法控制她的选择;你只能鼓励她健康的。最终她的人必须决定是否和她将如何生活。接受你没有对她的选择常常唤起无助的感觉。痛苦,恐惧,沮丧,发狂,悲伤的经验确实觉得无助当我们如此在意的人有麻烦。他们可以表达这些感觉需要一个地方,你需要表达他们自己的健康和幸福。每个人都应该忠于自己的自我,和这样做也会让你的仍然是一个可靠和值得信赖的来源对你关心的人的支持。通过不断地在你的愤怒和沮丧你设置一个形势将不可避免地导致爆炸,并在她最有可能。 This will only further isolate her, and most likely make you feel guilty in turn. A neutral party can offer you a safe place to vent your anger and air your concerns, which will also help to ensure that you do not burn out. They can help you find constructive ways of talking with your loved one about how you feel and how you are affected, because that is important too. An impartial party can provide you with the opportunity to explore your own feelings. Many times people feel so guilty, worrying that perhaps they are the cause of their loved one's eating disorder. A good support person can help you explore these feelings while simultaneously reassuring you that no one causes an eating disorder alone.

获得支持可能是特别重要的,如果你是一个家长。大多数父母都面临着一系列不愉快的感觉源于孩子的饮食失调。你最有可能经历的负罪感,耻辱,沮丧,愤怒,悲伤,怀疑,否认关于孩子的问题。它可以是非常难以接受的事实,这是一次受伤害你的孩子,你不能为她修理它。你应该支持在这些痛苦的感受。它也可能是重要的在你孩子的复苏的过程中为你调查自己的某些方面。例如,您可能需要检查你沟通和角色扮演的方式在过去和现在。你可能需要探索自己的观点的食物,体重,节食,身体形象和如何将这些观点可能会影响她。这些问题肯定会出现,如果你参与家庭疗法。家庭治疗可以参与其中的每个人都是非常有益的。 It is a good place to explore and resolve communication problems, improve strained relations, and work out hurt feelings. Family therapy tends to be most helpful when all family members agree to look honestly and openly at any and all problem areas existing within the family's dynamics.

也有一些更普遍的技巧将帮助你支持你所爱的人通过她的旅程:

• 一定要照顾好自己。你是好的!
• 避免评论她的美貌。如果你说她太瘦了,只会请她,因为这是她的目标。如果你告诉她,她看起来“好”她总是解释,意味着她看起来脂肪,因此,这种说法可能会进一步助长她试图减肥。
• 记住,她不是她的厌食症。可以爱她,不喜欢她的饮食失调在同一时间。无条件地爱她。
• 记得要避免简单的解决方案,如“吃”。This will only add to her feeling misunderstood and isolated --- it overlooks the complexity and severity of the problem.
• 避免讨论什么,如何,或者当她应该吃。你最终将不可避免地在一个权力斗争。
• 承认没有什么可以强迫她吃,停止暴食,或停止清洗。
• 避免试图控制她的食物摄入量和避免对她的选择,她的行为做出判断。
• 通信时使用“我”语句,“你”语句往往是武断的。“我”报表显示,你是负责你的感受和思考。例如,你可以说“我为你担心。我们为什么不预约医生只是为了确保你医学上是安全的。”This sounds far less attacking and judgmental than: "You're too thin! What are you trying to do to yourself!?"
• 避免标签是好是坏的食物。
• 不提倡饮食心态,在我们的文化中是如此普遍。
• 关注的东西不与食物、体重和锻炼。只是为了公司。记住她生命中她需要人能回应她不仅仅在多个水平和她的食物摄入量和体重。
• 尽管我建议避免特定的话题,不要担心说“错”的事情。你不会对她有不可逆转的负面影响经济复苏。但是担心可以和可能会沉默你这将反过来阻止你支持。最好说一些与支持性的意图都不说,她解释你的沉默看作是缺乏关爱。
• 鼓励她为人——不是完美的。

通过莫妮卡总裁,co-aut何珥神经性厌食:复苏指南

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