Is Cheating in Your Abusive Relationship A Cure for Effects of Abuse?

So few threads on this. My Will did find out and calls me whore and all the disgusting names. Jacob too was married, spilled the beans, forgiven by wife who piles the dirt on me. I am pretty terrified as Will is in a rage with me and I have panic attacks, depressed, can barely function and if not for my kids doubt i would carry on

Thank you so much for writing this. There aren't words to express my relief knowing that I am not the only person who has experienced everything you talked about. And i would have to agree that an affair is NOT the way to go. The bad far outweighs the good for sure!

Thank you for addressing what seems to be a very taboo subject. I knew I could not have been the only one to search for a rescuer, after all my best efforts failed to remove me from the quicksand I was in.

Tom,
Check out books by Patricia Evans, I have started to read one in the hope that I can correct myself in my marriage .

类似的情况。我在一个小组出言不逊chologically abusive relationship with my wife for many years. She would insult, berate, and profane me in front of my children. She withheld sex for two years and was very controlling to the point where she would not allow me to take my kids anywhere without her crying and screaming. Then I met a woman at work who was beautiful and charming. She was ma she withheld sex for two years and was very controlling to the point where she would not allow me to take my kids anywhere without her crying and screaming. Then I met a woman at work who was beautiful and charming. She was married to a narcissist man addicted to prescription drugs. Neither of us had ever cheated but we had an emotional and then physical affair for a few months. And charming. She was married to a narcissist man addicted to prescription drugs. Neither of us had ever cheated but we had an emotional and then physical affair for a few months. Later on she started pulling away and then her husband got a residency job in another town. Near the for a few months. Later on she started pulling away and then her husband got a residency job in another town. Near the near the end of the move she didn't say goodbye to me and I haven't heard from her for three weeks. Despite telling me repeatedly that she loved me. In the interim I couldn't handle my wife's abusive behavior so I left for the night. The next day she change the locks and stole all of our savings account money. I had enough and I moved out. In the interim I couldn't handle my wife's abusive behavior so I left for the night. The next day she change the locks and stole all of our savings account money. I had enough and I moved out and I'm filing for divorce. In the meanwhile I did some research and found out that the lover has narcissistic tendencies. In fact it is the idealization, devaluation, discard process. In the meanwhile I did some research and found out that the lover has narcissistic tendencies. In fact it is the idealization, devaluation, discard cycle. In idealization they target you and love on you to get you to fall in love with them. Wednesday have you then they go to devaluation phase where they neglect discard cycle. In idealization they target you and love on you to get you to fall in love with them. Wednesday have you then they go to devaluation mode where they start to neglect you and or criticize you. They still throw you a bone to make sure you're on the hook. In the discard face the narcissist realizes they don't need you anymore because they found a new source to feed them and so they drop you without any notice. The lover never left me she just used me. Now I have to pick up the pieces. I still feel I should divorce the wife because she's abusive and won't change. But it's tough that who I fell for it was not who I thought she was

I have the same exact situation. I still don't know what to do

Well, we talked, she understood, it wasn't easy for either of us but we both agreed it was the right thing to do.
I don't regret anything I went through in these two years, she is a wonderful, special, amazing person and deserves happiness and love, she knows she'll have it if only as a friend.
Thank you for your words of encouragement

So what advice do you give the person who is the equivalent to Jacob in your story?
I started seeing a woman about two years ago who was separated at the time and telling me she was going to divorce her husband. I believed her and fell in love despite my feeling the longer it went on, the more I would wish I wouldnt have.
Until just recently (about 6 weeks ago), I was blind to all of the warning signs, why things weren't progressing, why she still couldnt go through with the divorce, until I just decided that we were never going to have a relationship that wouldn't tear us apart until I at least tried to understand what she was going through.
So I read, and read, and read. The more I read, the more I understood, the more it scared me, the more things that happened between us, unusual reactions I couldnt explain, the more it meant that we probably wouldnt have a relationship that would last much longer.
I felt anger, not with her, but that she was stuck in this cycle of abuse, her husband was not the first to abuse her. Then sadness because she is a good person although she refuses to see it in herself. The more I read, the more I picked up on it in her words and her expressions.
I got mad at myself after looking back at some of her seemingly "crazy" reactions to what seemed to be normal situations to me, and how I reacted or responded.
It's hard for me to detach, to be emotionally unavailable to her after two years even though what she needs most right now is a friend and not a boyfriend.
I love her enough to let go and let her heal, maybe we'll find each other again emotionally, maybe we wont, but i know that if I dont give her the time to heal that we may never have a healthy relationship.
My biggest concern is if I step back from the emotion, how do I tell it's the best thing for her, for us, to let her deal with what she needs to, to let her know I am still there for her and that she isnt alone and because im stepping back, it isnt because she isnt loved...