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If your childhood included kids teasing you, an adult might have explained that they teased you because they liked you. I'm not sure when affectionate teasing and verbal abuse evolved into a well-known sign that someone likes you, but it should stop.
Every hello ends in a goodbye, but every ending is also the beginning of something new. This will be my last post for "Speaking Out About Self-Injury." What will life be like after writing for this blog?
It helps to know the difference between paranoia and anxiety. If I am experiencing paranoia, it involves delusions like someone is out to get me (suspicion and distrust) or has betrayed me. I frequently battle the delusion that someone is poisoning my food. My paranoia can cause anxiety, but the two do not have to be present together. My anxiety attacks often have ties to worry (like health concerns, the health of a loved one, public speaking, etc.), but not always. I can have an anxiety attack where I can't identify a triggering cause.
I’m still struggling with the negative self-talk that often comes with depression. Many of you have probably experienced this in some form or other—a nagging voice in the back of your mind that fixates on all things negative, constantly reminding you of your failures and flaws. For me, this voice is especially frustrating because I know it isn’t logical. I have, overall, a happy and fortunate life. Yet sometimes, I can’t help feeling defeated or worthless over a relatively minor event, like forgetting to run an errand or even burning the toast. When depression rears its ugly head, my negative self-talk magnifies the smallest perceived failures a hundredfold.
I’ve always been the kind of person that gets anxious about taking mental health days off work. Some of that, I think, is due to the lingering stigma in society that it’s not a valid reason to take a day off, but I’m here to say let’s ditch that. Let’s ditch the guilt of taking a day for our mental health and ditch feeling guilty about how we spend it.
Eleven years ago, I got arrested for my first driving under the influence (DUI) charge. Long before that original DUI arrest, I knew I had a problem with alcohol. I knew that blackout drinking a few nights a week was not healthy. But I never spoke up or asked for help because I was terrified of being labeled an alcoholic. Facing the truth meant I would be diagnosed with alcoholism, an incurable, highly stigmatized disease.
Do you have any negative beliefs (those which usually deliver an unwanted outcome)? Have you ever thought about why you believe some things and not others? Did you learn them at school, or are they the result of your experiences? Do your thoughts and ideas create positive or negative outcomes? It's worth taking the time to look at your beliefs, as they make up a fundamental part of your ability to experience happiness and have a powerful influence over your life, and replacing negative beliefs can be beneficial.
I, like many others, struggle with finding a healthy balance for most things, and finding my self-esteem sweet spot is no exception. As I navigate the highs and lows of self-confidence, I often wonder what level counts as optimal. My outlook on self-esteem was, for a very long time, one-sided. I didn't believe there was such a thing as high self-esteem. Now that I know better, I have been very conscious about my efforts to keep my self-worth at a healthy level.
You can change a negative, harmful coping skill into a positive skill. Sometimes negative coping skills seem easier or better, but in the end, they aren't. I know initiating such a positive change can seem impossible sometimes, but you can do it.
I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, in 2002 (after a diagnosis of schizophrenia in 1999). But the anxiety that so often accompanies bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder has been with me since early childhood.
Thank you so much for reaching out. It can be difficult to express that you need help, so this is a courageous and important step you've taken. I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting—I would encourage you to continue seeking out those who can offer you support, resources, and assistance. The HealthyPlace mental health referral page is an excellent place to access more information on organizations and confidential hotline numbers that might be useful to you. Here is a link to the page: //www.5wetown.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-referral-resources. In the meantime, I know it's hard, but please keep reaching out.
Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer
HealthyPlace Comment Moderator
I never thought I'd make it this far. I no longer hide my scars, only did so due to family being ashamed. But now I show them, I'm proud over them. I like to show I've came so far since that stage in my life. I've never been embarrassed, I was hurt and needed a release when I self-harmed, I don't see the point of being ashamed over being hurt. I am proud over my five years and I'm praying to reach ten years one day in the future.
I'm actually thinking about celebrating the five year mark, not sure how, but It's a hopeful plan.
I find it hard sometimes explaining to people that I don't actually feel that 'sad' when I'm depressed, I just don't feel much at all, other than tired, lethargic and wanting to be left alone to curl up and sleep most of the time.
Nice to see I'm not the only one who has this. Personally I would rather not feel very much than be hurting. Emotional pain is one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with, and I wouldn't want anyone including myself to feel that way. I realise more and more though that bipolar disorder is unique to the individual, and so many experiences I've read of it differ from my own.
Thanks for the article!