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I have had many people talk to me about struggling with low self-confidence and negative self-talk and how hard it has been for them to train themselves to stop letting negative emotions control their lives. For years, I, too, struggled with these feelings. Self-criticism was a daily practice, and I would find fault in everything I did.
Navigating verbal abuse is never ideal. This toxic behavior can alter how a person sees and trusts others and interacts in relationships. The amount of exposure to verbal abuse can drastically change a person's view or attitude toward themselves and others. This situation is one I'm familiar with since I can see now that verbal abuse has changed me.
Since I have arthritis in my knees and schizoaffective disorder, the migraines I suffer are a substantial extra load. And now I know what it’s like to have my physical illnesses treated more seriously than my mental illness. This is the story of a time when I stood up for my mental health, and my mental illness was treated seriously.
I've learned that it's difficult to fight self-doubt when you are often anxious. Unfortunately, naturally, anxiety and self-doubt go hand in hand. Because of this, my anxiety can affect my decision-making. In other words, when trying to make a choice, I often doubt myself and my ability to make a good decision.
When I spent three months in residential treatment back in 2010, the clinicians would frequently encourage the other patients and me to communicate and honor our needs. This practice was meant to teach us how to separate our own inner voices from the control and influence of an eating disorder. As well-intentioned as these clinicians were, however, I remember asking myself: "How can I learn to express my needs if I'm not sure what they are?"
One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received was to stop trusting my emotions, which means, don't trust my gut. I had gone to see an acupuncturist with a strained back and an abundance of curiosity. He palpated my ovaries, eyelids, and the like for a half minute before diagnosing my issue as one of emotional over-indulgence. He stuck a couple of dozen needles in me, left me alone for 20 minutes, and returned with his treatment plan. "You shouldn't trust your gut so much," he suggested and sent me on my way.
One of the hardest things about any mental health condition is that they are unpredictable. The same thing is true at my job. Some days are very difficult because of the anxiety and depression I feel at work. However, several activities make it easier to get through my shifts. Here are six strategies that help me overcome anxiety and depression during my job.
As soon as puberty kicks in, many of us lose self-esteem. Many physical, emotional, and psychological changes begin to take shape during this time, leaving us confused and extremely sensitive. As our bodies change, so does our self-esteem, leaving us vulnerable. Even fully understanding that this is a perfectly normal part of life that everyone goes through didn’t make it any easier for me. Puberty was a time in my life I think back to and wonder whether anyone handles it any better than I did.
I talk about eating disorder recovery all the time. You might call them healing conversations. I unpack the layers and nuances of it with my therapist. I excitedly share these revelations with my partner once the session is over. I journal about what I'm learning in the process. Then I pass on those lessons to the younger women I mentor, who deal with similar experiences of their own.
The transgender experience can be lonely. When I first began hormone replacement therapy, my doctor asked me if I had a good support system. I lied and said I did because I didn't have the time or energy to join a support group and didn't want to cause worry. Now, I think about all the hands that have reached out to me in the past that I brushed off. I believe loneliness was caused by my self-imposed social isolation.
Thank you so much for reaching out. It can be difficult to express that you need help, so this is a courageous and important step you've taken. I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting—I would encourage you to continue seeking out those who can offer you support, resources, and assistance. The HealthyPlace mental health referral page is an excellent place to access more information on organizations and confidential hotline numbers that might be useful to you. Here is a link to the page: //www.5wetown.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-referral-resources. In the meantime, I know it's hard, but please keep reaching out.
Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer
HealthyPlace Comment Moderator
I never thought I'd make it this far. I no longer hide my scars, only did so due to family being ashamed. But now I show them, I'm proud over them. I like to show I've came so far since that stage in my life. I've never been embarrassed, I was hurt and needed a release when I self-harmed, I don't see the point of being ashamed over being hurt. I am proud over my five years and I'm praying to reach ten years one day in the future.
I'm actually thinking about celebrating the five year mark, not sure how, but It's a hopeful plan.
I find it hard sometimes explaining to people that I don't actually feel that 'sad' when I'm depressed, I just don't feel much at all, other than tired, lethargic and wanting to be left alone to curl up and sleep most of the time.
Nice to see I'm not the only one who has this. Personally I would rather not feel very much than be hurting. Emotional pain is one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with, and I wouldn't want anyone including myself to feel that way. I realise more and more though that bipolar disorder is unique to the individual, and so many experiences I've read of it differ from my own.
Thanks for the article!