新诊断的分离日记第2部分:恐惧

你好,冬青,
我非常感谢你的帮助和建议。我一直害怕我的职位……那it may have seemed intrusive. I have not been doing very well (it feels that way, anyway). I have been very fragile and have a young part that reacts to people obsessed with perfectionism. I'll be paying more attention to soothing and comforting activities. I am very afraid of this young part who wants to die since she is in such pain over being around anyone who reminds her of her perfectionistic Grandma (ie. a coworker and my sister in law who I live with). I saw the new therapist and did not say a thing about my parts since i "felt" it to be the right thing to do. I just read your post today. I had my husband check it 1st to see how you may have reacted...I was afraid. He couldn't understand why I would be so afraid but i realize so much of the fear is from many parts that are trying to keep our secret safe. I respect that about them. They have been quiet mostly this week. my therapist wants me to work on a safety plan since I have been having terrible destructive impulses at times but my parts have kept me very busy and distracted. I asked them last week why we haven't been getting anywhere with the plan and the older parts have said that they do not think I know how to go about doing it and that they know how to keep me safe...i'll have to work on it with my therapist. I am being very careful with this subject since I don't want to get into any arguments with them; they are still very secretive and don't really trust telling me a lot. I can feel that it's because they are afraid I will reject them so we are working on trust. The older parts do want my help with 2 younger parts since I am able to talk to them and help them some of the time- other times when a younger one reacts-my older parts just shut me down and I can't think, read, drive, talk, it can be very scary. I can not tell you how grateful I am having some one who understands, though, it's very grounding to be on your blog. It's so helpful having several of you confirming how things will get better, it's normal to have the confusion, to have hope in the information in some of the literature. Thanks so much, take care

冬青,
谢谢你的博客。我从你和每个人身上学到了很多东西，他们都在谈论他们强烈恐惧的经历。我被诊断患有创伤后应激障碍已经十年了。我曾接受治疗，但未被诊断为did。6年前我买了阿道克博士的原始资料。但我太害怕了，不敢真正读它，因为当我试着读的时候，它会引起倒叙。在过去的几个月里，我一直有很大的麻烦，无法与人分离，这真的影响了我的工作。我正在寻找一个新的治疗师，我把这本书拿出来试着再读一遍。我熬过了大部分时间。在阅读的过程中，有什么东西在我内心响起，我意识到我内心有一个听众。 They were standing together in the dark whispering back and forth what would happen if I found out that they were there. Then one of them said, "she knows." They were filled with terror and intense shame. I haven't felt shame like that for many many years, I thought I was passed feeling shame. I was stunned, to say the least. I felt as if I had unlocked my front door and caught a bunch of thieves. I gathered myself and told them I was afraid too but that they had been keeping me safe for nearly 50 yrs! We were almost normal! I told them I was very proud of how they had been protecting me. One of them said that they couldn't let me see them because they didn't think I could handle knowing. They said they want me to care about them and that they are very tired. This happened last weekend. I have been listening more closely to their internal dialogue and have been communicating and was able to go to work all last week. One of my smaller parts had a problem with one of my coworkers. I was able to help an older part comfort her 9the younger part). Today, I was not able to go to work at all. I was very shut down and I can't get any answers as to why. I want to help them but I do not know what to do except to offer to listen. Until I see a new therapist this Friday, is there anything I can do to continue helping these parts besides writing to them?

我相信，当我第一次被确诊时，我最初的恐惧是由于大多数(不是全部)媒体描述分离性身份障碍的方式。多年前的相识……在我被确诊之前…建议我读《西比尔》，还有《比利·米利根的思想》。我记得，在我最初的诊断之后，我内心非常不安，因为那些书是我唯一的指导。我无意冒犯这些书，但就我个人而言，我需要一个“更温和的介绍”，正如castorgirl上面提到的那样。
研究、教育和找到这个支持我的博客对我平静地接受我已经做过的事情至关重要。我同意你的看法，霍莉，教育才是解药。
我不知道一个人是否能在生活中找到完全的平静，但我愿意相信，用知识武装起来，我们可以在生活的各个方面找到平静。
我一定要去看看阿道克的《解离性身份障碍源手册》。谢谢保罗提到那本书。我已经看过好几次了，所以我想我是时候读一下了。到目前为止，我读过的唯一一本有帮助的书是玛琳·斯坦伯格的《镜中陌生人》。
再次感谢霍莉揭露你早期的日记。他们确实帮助我们这些处于接受的早期阶段的人看到我们正在经历正常的恐惧。
CG，我的一部分非常想要教育我周围的人关于DID。我只是不确定我的生活中是否有合适的人在这一点上迈出这一步。信任对我来说是一个巨大的障碍。这是我很想重温的。谢谢你提出教育他人的重要性。
——Mareeya

关键是要用一种善良的方式教育自己……当我第一次得知诊断结果时，我读了很多负面的文献，因为我来自一个否认和压抑的地方。我知道这会给我带来更多的麻烦。
我同意保罗的观点，阿道克的书是对DID较为温和的介绍之一。
另一个关键方面是让你周围的人了解DID。我知道这并不总是那么容易，但我们周围的人对诊断了解得越多，他们就越能理解为什么我们会有这样的反应。这并不是要创造一个没有责任的环境，而是纯粹为了帮助每个人了解正在发生的事情。这也可能为那些所爱的人打开一扇门，让他们为自己所面临的问题寻求帮助，因为他们帮助别人从过去的虐待中康复。
当心
CG

你写道:“很难战胜对你不了解的事情的恐惧”。这是非常真实的。这就是我在上一篇文章中所说的，如果你对自己的诊断感到恐惧，你将一事无成。或者甚至不是诊断本身，而是你逐渐意识到的。我认为对于新诊断为DID的人来说，最好的书之一是阿道克的《解离性身份障碍源手册》。虽然有这么多的书，我通常建议人们先看这本书。它简化了一切，解释得很好。